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Five on Five: Burned

It¿s a tough month to be Lance Armstrong, but he should cheer up: He could be one of these five.

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. What can you tell us about the Tennessee Titans?
Phil Thompson: That I've never seen ex-coach Jeff Fisher and Jeff Foxworthy in the same place at the same time.
Tracy Swartz: I can't remember.
Alex Quigley: They anagram to "Insane Teens Test," which describes their O-line play accurately.
Jimmy Greenfield: You can't spell "Tennessee Titans" without "tits" and "ass." I actually think that says more about my maturity level.
Bag Boy: Originally the Houston Oilers, they won the first two AFL championships. Nothing since.
2. If Mike Ditka is responsible for the Bears failing to win multiple Super Bowls, what else is his fault?
Phil Thompson: Richard Dent's IQ: zero!
Tracy Swartz: The growth in mustaches.
Alex Quigley: The Fridge Burger I had last week was overcooked. I said MEDIUM RARE.
Jimmy Greenfield: Conan getting fired, Menudo, New Coke, and two of the four members of One Direction.
Bag Boy: The failure of the sweater vest to rise as a fashion staple must be attributed to him.
3. Now that the NBA season is under way ...
Phil Thompson: ... I predict Jimmy will let his unibrow grow in for the first Anthony Davis game at the UC.
Tracy Swartz: ... I am still under whelmed.
Alex Quigley: ... we can start a new countdown for The Return.
Jimmy Greenfield: ... I can complete my first novel of historical sports fiction, "Jersey? Sure."
Bag Boy: ... time to review the latest in tattoos! I'm stoked!
4. Congratulate Jake Peavy and Darwin Barney and on their Golden Gloves.
Phil Thompson: Wait, they're boxers?
Tracy Swartz: "Thanks for being the cream of the crap in Chicago."
Alex Quigley: I already did because we are all personal friends and hang out all the time.
Jimmy Greenfield: "Jake, Darwin, congratulations on winning the Kids' Choice Award of MLB's postseason honors."
Bag Boy: "Jake, congrats and thanks for re-signing. Darwin, congrats and get out while you can."
5. Lance Armstrong will be burned in effigy in England. Who's next?
Phil Thompson:Please say Russell Brand. ... Oh, they did already? Well, do it again, it didn't take.
Tracy Swartz: Somehow Charlie Sheen will also go up in smoke.
Alex Quigley: Jimmy Greenfield. He knows what he did.
Jimmy Greenfield: England will be burned in effigy in Effigy, Kentucky.
Bag Boy: Someone else who insulted the English and lies regularly. Mitt Romney.