1. Make a sports prediction for November.
Grant Yanney: I know you guys saw me predict that pick 6 on twitter. Now watch Luol average 30!
Matt Pais: Two discussions continue: Incessant Tebow chatter and talk about how pointless the incessant Tebow chatter is.
Jane Monzures: Jay Cutler doesn't get sacked, D-Rose gets back on the court and Jonathan Toews learns needlepoint.
Kat Velez: The Blackhawks will remain undefeated.
Stick Figure: Instead of Gatorade, athletes will drink hot chocolate on the sidelines. Brrrrr!
2. If Kirk Hinrich can play with an injured groin ...
Grant Yanney: ... wait! He shouldn't have to! That's not cool!
Matt Pais: ... let's see him play with two injured groins! Er, or a twice-injured groin. You know what I mean.
Jane Monzures: ... then Benny the Bull can perform with a hangnail.
Kat Velez: Is this where I'm supposed to make a Cutler joke?
Stick Figure: ... he must be great at jobs that don't require running and jumping!
3. How can the Bears get the ball to Matt Forte more often?
Grant Yanney: As long as the bears keep winning, does it really matter?
Matt Pais: Zipline. I don't know how that would work, all you asked for was an idea.
Jane Monzures: Put him on defense.
Kat Velez: Wait, no, THIS is where I'm supposed to make a Cutler joke! I've got nothin'.
Stick Figure: Do they not have enough stamps or something?
4. How hopeful are you that the NHL will salvage any of the 2012-13 season?
Grant Yanney: Just like the bus driver uppercut, it's not looking too good.
Matt Pais: I've already forgotten about it. Sports strikes are very stupid.
Jane Monzures: So hopeful I'm pressing my Blackhawks day of the week undies right now.
Kat Velez: ... *starts crying uncontrollably*
Stick Figure: Maybe they need some hot chocolate, too.
5. The NCAA has approved tougher sanctions. What does that mean?
Grant Yanney: The blue chip recruits get used coupes instead of the new joints.
Matt Pais: Two slaps on the wrist for medium-size offenses! Watch out, major programs!
Jane Monzures: School tuition rates go up due to the increased fines which mean less beer money.
Kat Velez: *still crying* Screw you, RedEye!
Stick Figure: Players had better turn their homework in on time.