Five on Five: Here, kitty kitty!
The ocelot has Josh Beckett on its side. These five? Uh, we¿ll get back to you.
1. How would you make a preseason NBA game more entertaining?
|Phil Thompson: Roller skates.|
|Georgia Garvey: Two words: Donkey juggling.|
|Alex Quigley: Make it an NHL game?|
|Jimmy Greenfield: I'd watch it with Bill Murray and change the channel right when it starts.|
|Bag Boy: Rock N Jock. I know you remember!|
2. Why is the NBA regulating pregame handshakes?
|Phil Thompson: David Stern must think players do some elaborate jive ritual like it's 1978.|
|Georgia Garvey: Because they don't believe the free market will correct all handshake inequities.|
|Alex Quigley: So David Stern can yell "Regulatooooorrrs ... MOUNT UP!" every night.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: Cooties!|
|Bag Boy: The Oklahoma City Thunder were taking 90 minutes with their "routines." Enough!|
3. How high on your radar is the NHL lockout right now?
|Phil Thompson: OK, you know how high Felix Baumgartner started? The lockout is about where he landed.|
|Georgia Garvey: It's flying pretty much completely under my radar. Maybe if I were Kaner's bartender, I'd care more.|
|Alex Quigley: Felix Baumgartner-esque.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: 24 miles high. And if the lockout doesn't end soon, I'm plunging back to Earth.|
|Bag Boy: Right down there with the WNBA Finals. See? You didn't know that was going on either!|
4. An athlete flirting with fans during a game is like ...
|Phil Thompson: ... Beyonce auditioning for "American Idol."|
|Georgia Garvey: ... an Illinois governor going to prison. If it surprises you, you haven't been paying attention.|
|Alex Quigley: ... the entire career of Mark Grace?|
|Jimmy Greenfield: ... a Five on Five writer flirting with his readers. Thank God my wife doesn't read this.|
|Bag Boy: ... pathetic, Alex Rodriguez. Pathetic. Now you're hitless in two areas.|
5. Why is Josh Beckett protecting ocelots?
|Phil Thompson: Because he drives a Jaguar? I got nothing.|
|Georgia Garvey: Because he's a complete and total badass. No snark here. That is just cool.|
|Alex Quigley: Because someone is playing the worst game of Mad Libs ever.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: Years ago, an ocelot removed a thorn from Beckett's paw.|
|Bag Boy: The guy doesn't care about baseball while in Boston but he cares about this? I give up.|
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