1. The Bears are alone in first in the NFC North. How do you feel?
Frank Holland: Like that Terry Bradshaw rant about Jay Cutler seems irrelevant now.
Scott Bolohan: We're king of the world! Just like Leonardo DiCaprio before the Titanic sunk!
Clark Jones: I feel like D.J. Moore's haircut -- very unsure, but glad to be on top.
John Dooley: Like that one week in high school where you feel popular. OK, I lied. That never happened to me.
Angi Taylor: I started practicing my Super Bowl Shuffle this week.
2. How should the AHL entice fans during the NHL lockout?
Frank Holland: Lockout? You mean there is a sport playing besides football right now?
Scott Bolohan: Play football.
Clark Jones: Release the new AHL 5.
John Dooley: Show more skin. Maybe come out with uniforms that show scandalous amounts of the glove-hand side.
Angi Taylor: Wait, there's an NHL lockout?
3. A skydiver broke the sound barrier. How do you top that?
Frank Holland: I'm stumped, but if Christopher Nolan did another "Dark Knight" movie, I'm sure he'd figure it out.
Scott Bolohan: By fixing the sound barrier.
Clark Jones: My trump card is always being the first black person to do it. Take that, Barack!
John Dooley: Not sure if this counts, but I played Nicki Minaj and it broke my "will to live barrier."
Angi Taylor: Have the Cubs win a World Series.
4. Why did the Cubs fire their traveling secretary?
Frank Holland: So his office could be a luxury box? I mean, they moved the brick wall ...
Scott Bolohan: Went against Theo's orders and always booked Chris Volstad's hotels in the correct cities.
Clark Jones: They just wanted a good excuse to say "hit the road."
John Dooley: Accidentally ordered six pitchers from Iowa last August.
Angi Taylor: Apparently bad punctuation is what led to all of the Cubs' road losses.
5. Northwestern is already bowl-eligible. What's next?
Frank Holland: If you go to school up in Evanston ... ROAD TRIP!
Scott Bolohan: Chet Hanks smokes the bowl-eligibility.
Clark Jones: The Wildcats take on rolling papers with Snoop Lion.
John Dooley: Forfeiting the rest of their games. Ticket to the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl has already been punched! Woo-hoo!
Angi Taylor: Get a Kardashian around this team STAT to ensure a bowl win.