1. Plaxico Burress says he'd like to join the Bears. Thoughts?
|Grant Yanney: With Jeffery out, we could use another weapon. Just not in the club, fam!|
|Matt Pais: Just because you say it, Plaxico, doesn't mean it will happen. Like saying, "I'd never accidentally shoot myself."|
|Jane Monzures: Good thing Bears jerseys don't have stripes, but he'd feel right at home in the orange.|
|Kat Velez: It's all fun and games until you shoot your thigh out.|
|Bill Arnett: [Insert self-inflicted gunshot wound joke here.]|
2. What should Lovie Smith ask for in his contract extension talks?
|Grant Yanney: "More Ovaltine please!"|
|Matt Pais: Lifetime supply of Lou Malnati's. Or everything featured in the movie "Blank Check." Why not?|
|Jane Monzures: A reality dating show called "From Chicago with Lovie."|
|Kat Velez: More red flags.|
|Bill Arnett: A contract extension.|
3. What are the locked out Blackhawks doing to fill the time?
|Grant Yanney: Telling nosy people to skate ...|
|Matt Pais: Consult the movie mentioned above. Which came out when Patrick Kane was 5. Sheesh.|
|Jane Monzures: Prank-calling commissioner Gary Bettman.|
|Kat Velez: Crying. Drinking. More crying. Wait, no, that's what I'm doing.|
|Bill Arnett: Retracing their steps. They knew they had the keys when they left the United Center last season.|
4. Finish this sentence. When I think "Chicago Fire," I think ...
|Grant Yanney: ... Adidas scored with the new D-Rose 3 colorway. Gooooaaaal!|
|Matt Pais: ... a historic disaster honored in a soccer game, broadcast on a small TV screen on a shoe.|
|Jane Monzures: ... of my old boyfriend the day after he ate Taco Burrito King.|
|Kat Velez: ... Mrs. O'Leary's cow was framed!|
|Bill Arnett: ... the NBC drama that premiered last night. Welcome back to prime time, Jesse Spencer!|
5. If Kobe Bryant calls it a career in 2014, how will he spend retirement?
|Grant Yanney: A budding rap career? Ha!|
|Matt Pais: Watching the Bulls win championships, I hope. Actually, I don't care if Kobe watches. Never mind.|
|Jane Monzures: Not passing to his kids in pickup basketball.|
|Kat Velez: Paying off his alimony.|
|Bill Arnett: Starting sentences with the phrase "If I was still playing, I woulda..."|