1. Plaxico Burress says he'd like to join the Bears. Thoughts?
Grant Yanney: With Jeffery out, we could use another weapon. Just not in the club, fam!
Matt Pais: Just because you say it, Plaxico, doesn't mean it will happen. Like saying, "I'd never accidentally shoot myself."
Jane Monzures: Good thing Bears jerseys don't have stripes, but he'd feel right at home in the orange.
Kat Velez: It's all fun and games until you shoot your thigh out.
Bill Arnett: [Insert self-inflicted gunshot wound joke here.]
2. What should Lovie Smith ask for in his contract extension talks?
Grant Yanney: "More Ovaltine please!"
Matt Pais: Lifetime supply of Lou Malnati's. Or everything featured in the movie "Blank Check." Why not?
Jane Monzures: A reality dating show called "From Chicago with Lovie."
Kat Velez: More red flags.
Bill Arnett: A contract extension.
3. What are the locked out Blackhawks doing to fill the time?
Grant Yanney: Telling nosy people to skate ...
Matt Pais: Consult the movie mentioned above. Which came out when Patrick Kane was 5. Sheesh.
Jane Monzures: Prank-calling commissioner Gary Bettman.
Kat Velez: Crying. Drinking. More crying. Wait, no, that's what I'm doing.
Bill Arnett: Retracing their steps. They knew they had the keys when they left the United Center last season.
4. Finish this sentence. When I think "Chicago Fire," I think ...
Grant Yanney: ... Adidas scored with the new D-Rose 3 colorway. Gooooaaaal!
Matt Pais: ... a historic disaster honored in a soccer game, broadcast on a small TV screen on a shoe.
Jane Monzures: ... of my old boyfriend the day after he ate Taco Burrito King.
Kat Velez: ... Mrs. O'Leary's cow was framed!
Bill Arnett: ... the NBC drama that premiered last night. Welcome back to prime time, Jesse Spencer!
5. If Kobe Bryant calls it a career in 2014, how will he spend retirement?
Grant Yanney: A budding rap career? Ha!
Matt Pais: Watching the Bulls win championships, I hope. Actually, I don't care if Kobe watches. Never mind.
Jane Monzures: Not passing to his kids in pickup basketball.
Kat Velez: Paying off his alimony.
Bill Arnett: Starting sentences with the phrase "If I was still playing, I woulda..."