1. Why does it take a whole half for the Bears offense to get going?
Pat Tomasulo: They're waiting for me to wake up.
Scott Bolohan: Cutler finally learned the Martz offense.
Clark Jones: Wearing all that hot pink takes time to get used to. #nflcares
John Dooley: Takes a good half to reach the perfect "Jay Cutler Face"; once attained ... unstoppable.
Angi Taylor: Saturday nights are the best nights out!
2. The Bears defense is to scoring touchdowns as ...
Pat Tomasulo: ... babies are to being lazy. Get a job, babies.
Scott Bolohan: ... Patrick Kane is to scoring.
Clark Jones: ... Kim Kardashian is to catching balls.
John Dooley: ... Honey Boo Boo is to future rehab facilities.
Angi Taylor: ... Kim Kardashian is to falling in love.
3. Terry Bradshaw says he doesn't like Jay Cutler right now. How should he respond?
Pat Tomasulo: Shoulder shrug, eye roll, smirk. In no particular order.
Scott Bolohan: "Cool Super Bowl rings, bro. I've had sex with a former reality star minimally once."
Clark Jones: Dis him on twitter ... that always works.
John Dooley: "Pffft. Whatever, dude. Kristin, let's get out of here. Dude's lame." *peels out in his Mercedes*
Angi Taylor: By shoulder bumping him next time they cross paths.
4. When the Bulls say Tom Thibodeau quizzes them, what does he ask?
Pat Tomasulo: "How many days, hours and seconds until Derrick Rose returns?"
Scott Bolohan: "Where did our entire bench go?"
Clark Jones: "In essay form, give me three ways you can be getting D-Rose the ball more."
John Dooley: "So you don't know the components of the zone defense? Well then maybe you'll like solitary confinement!"
Angi Taylor: "We're Paying Carlos Boozer how much?"
5. Who said this: "They were wrapped around it like a meatball and their arms were like spaghetti"?
Pat Tomasulo: My Nana?
Scott Bolohan: James Joyce, probably about cows or something.
Clark Jones: Frank Ocean?
John Dooley: Chef Marv Alberto Boyardee.
Angi Taylor: Honey Boo Boo Child.