Five on Five: Nooooooooles!
Quick! Someone cheer up Ernest Wilkins! Please?!
1. What was coach Sean Payton thinking when he attended Sunday's New Orleans Saints game?
|Marc Silverman: "Can I get to 115 Bourbon Street in time for the Jay Cutler show? Its Monday at noon on ESPN 1000."|
|Pete McMurray: "Bounty? No paycheck? I'm an idiot! Get me my visor back!"|
|Ernest Wilkins: N.C. State!?!?!?!?|
|Elliott Serrano: "Wow, we aren't that good when we can't send the other guys out on a stretcher."|
|Sarah Spain: "Boy am I glad I'm off the hook this year. This team is crap."|
2. How do you see the baseball postseason playing out?
|Marc Silverman: It's a marathon, not a sprint. Oh wait, I've mixed up my weekend sporting events.|
|Pete McMurray: It's BEARS season. Baseball has been over for me since mid-MAY. Daaaa Bears.|
|Ernest Wilkins: North. Carolina. State. University.|
|Elliott Serrano: I'm hoping for the A's to win so we can get "Moneyball 2: Electric Boogaloo."|
|Sarah Spain: There's a postseason in baseball? Do the Cubs and Sox know?|
3. Why does Charles Barkley think LeBron James can be better than Michael Jordan?
|Marc Silverman: Better at owning a team, maybe.|
|Pete McMurray: Is Sir Charles still jealous of MJ? I have the same amount of rings as Barkley.|
|Ernest Wilkins: The North Carolina State Wolfpack. Just ... I just can't believe it.|
|Elliott Serrano: He was referring to acting in a "Space Jam" sequel.|
|Sarah Spain: That Weight Watchers diet has Chuck lightheaded. Give him a doughnut and he'll wisen up.|
4. Dwyane Wade is to flopping as ...
|Marc Silverman: ... Hulk Hogan is to moviemaking. Just. Absolutely. Wrong.|
|Pete McMurray: ... Chicago baseball is to choking!|
|Ernest Wilkins: The only thing that kept me going was the amazingness that was Andrew Barber's wedding.|
|Elliott Serrano: ... Mitt Romney is to flip-flopping.|
|Sarah Spain: ... Amanda Bynes is to hit-and-runs. Just comes naturally.|
5. Michael Phelps sank a 159-foot putt in Scotland. What's he win?
|Marc Silverman: A 159-foot sub from Subway. And a new campaign: "Five dollar 159-footlongs"|
|Pete McMurray: A $5 footlong Subway sandwich, a kilt and a bong.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Shouts to him and the Mrs. I'm now going back into mourning.|
|Elliott Serrano: Me not making yet another joke about Subway. I'm through with him.|
|Sarah Spain: People might FINALLY give him a little credit for his athletic ability.|
Copyright © 2014 Chicago Tribune Company, LLC