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Sports

Confessions of a fantasy football addict

My name is Soxman and I've been a Fantasy Footballaholic for seven years.

I was given my first taste of this highly addictive nectar thanks to RedEye's first (and only) celebrity fantasy football contest.

The addiction quickly spread, where I tried getting my fantasy fix anywhere I could—involving girlfriends, co-workers, even my own father. I've never stopped paying for my mistakes, yet I can never stop playing. Scars? I've got plenty.

Sorry, dad

To this day, my dad still accuses me of not being there for him because in 2010, I refused to trade him Adrian Peterson, when I also drafted relative unknown Arian Foster—much to his ridicule. I went on to win it all that year, Foster was a fantasy MVP, and my dad ...

'Like father, like son'

In the movie "Hall Pass," Jason Sudekis begs for Christina Applegate's forgiveness and pledges to give up fantasy football. My dad looks at my stepmom and exclaims, "Oh hell no. No way that would EVER happen here." He laughed, she cried. I learned what "like father, like son" truly means.

If you can’t win, cheat?

One of my brothers refuses to play fantasy football EVER again when my older brother used commish privileges to retroactively change his starting lineups to win. When confronted, he claimed his computer at work was hacked. Yup, someone broke into your police car just to help you win. RAISE THE SECURITY THREAT LEVEL TO RED.

Totally shut out

You know you have a problem when you decide to pass on, well, let's just say your girlfriend "re-enacting" Britney Spears' "Hit Me One More Time" video so you could instead set your fantasy lineups. The only Britney re-enactment I saw after that was the one where she went nuts and beat her car with an umbrella.

Lonely at the top

When your league empowers the commish to rule on trades and in 2009 you overturn Maurice Jones-Drew and Chris Johnson for Brett Favre, friendships are lost. Despite seeing this guy almost every day since, he shows me about as much love as Ryan Dempster shows Alex Rodriguez. Being commissioner is like being in the mob--there’s only one way out.

Soxman is a RedEye special contributor.

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Copyright © 2015, RedEye
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