Sports

A cure for Chicago baseball ills?

Some good news regarding the remaining baseball season: Gov. Quinn has announced the signing of the medical marijuana bill here in Illinois.

Unless I'm mistaken, that means your doctor can prescribe it for you as a way of coping with having to watch this crap. Don't miss this opportunity, see a physician ASAP.

Because if you care to look, you'll see two teams, miles away. Still.

Hats off to Rick Hahn for the Jake Peavy trade. We send the Jakemeister to Boston, and here's the good news: We send his medical file as well. He was due to get injured soon. Again.

The White Sox get Avisail Garcia, "Little Miggy" as he was known in Detroit. He's in the minors. Get him up here! We have no one else!

Somehow, Alex Rios is still here. Incredibly, no one wanted him! Thank you, Kenny Williams. Three years later, we're still cleaning up these messes. He's like a puppy that keeps leaving you gifts around the house. Don't step in it.

Anyway, all that's left for Hahn: Launch Rios, Dunn, Beckham, Ramirez and whoever else is left.

Yes, you heard correctly. That's the "Blow it up and start over" method. Hey, it works. Kind of. Ask the Cubs. Maybe. I don't know.

As for the Cubs, they're building, and acquiring, and acquiring, and building. It never ends.

Technically, there doesn't have to be an end game. Cub fans are so gullible; you can just keep telling them "Two more years, guys, two more years." Don't worry, they'll be there. Always. In droves.

So goodbye to Alfonso Soriano. I liked him, not the contract. Since the Rickettses are spending so much money on Wrigley, why not spend some more and build a replica of Wrigley Field at Class A Kane County. That's where the real action is! That place needs a hotel, too!

I really am a sports marketing genius.

Quick Bears note: Jay Cutler is now learning Marc Trestman's "verbiage." I'll help. That's a stud offensive lineman, a real tight end and actual offensive coaches.

I know, it's an adjustment period for all of us.

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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