Congratulations, you've almost made it to football season.
To get you through the last stretch of unwatchable baseball, I'm going to tease you with a special "visions of the future" column because the present is unbearable.
WARNING: The future will also likely be unbearable, but let's pretend.
Summer 2015. Your Chicago Bulls have signed LeBron James and have wrapped up an NBA title. Nice job, Gar Forman. "The Decision II" rocked. In addition to yet another Stanley Cup visit to Wrigley (three straight, these are getting old), the Bulls visit as well.
Albert Amora, Kris Bryant, Jorge Soler and Javier Baez all are starting for the Cubs. To make room, Theo Epstein launched Starlin Castro to some suckers for whoever the top pitching prospects were. Name them, I can't. The new scoreboard dazzles us with replays, commercials and stats.
Amazingly, you turn to your lover and say, "Come to think of it, we never really watched the game before the scoreboard, either. Cool." And it is.
Travis Wood and Jeff Samardzija remain the best 1-2 starting pitcher duo in the National League. Anthony Rizzo is merely "steady," but that's OK because the rest are awesome.
On the South Side, it's a bit different. Rick Hahn sold off the entire team the summer of 2013 except Paul Konerko and Chris Sale. Konerko retires; Sale remains the game's best pitcher, period. Because of the sell-off, the Sox entered the season with only $9 million in payroll—for the entire team!
Word spreads they have cash to burn. Kenny Williams has been forced top leave the country, however. Oh well, we'll survive. All the prospects are starting to develop, things look up.
It all pales in comparison as the Super Bowl Champion Chicago Bears start camp. Wasn't it amazing how Jay Cutler took to Marc Trestman? And the offensive line was rebuilt so quickly? And the defense didn't miss Brian Urlacher?
Of course, none of this happens. Injuries, trades, bad decisions, disappointments all abound. Luckily, I have a ton of friends to lean on and laugh about the absurdity of all of it.
That last one is not a dream, by the way.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.
Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye Sports' Facebook page.