Sports
Sports

Caught between a heart attack and bad baseball

OK, enough with the overtime games.

I've complained about this to no end, but now I really mean it. I've aged, like, five years in the past week. And please, I wasn't young to begin with. I went from, you know, a touch of salt and pepper, to something a bit closer to … Bob Barker.

OK, looks aside, my biggest problem is of course Game 4. It's one thing to get beat by a physical team, to lose against Tuukka Rask. It's quite another to lose because of two goals by Patrice Bergeron. That's not Patrick. Patrick, I can handle. No, his name is Patrice.

Hey, I'm glad the Blackhawks at least woke up. After sleepwalking through Game 3, I seriously wondered if they'd show for Game 4.

They did, but you know, I still get the feeling, and it starts in the back of my throat and ends in my stomach, that Boston simply is the bigger, quicker, more physical team. It haunts me, in fact.

Is it me or do our players look like they're 18-year-old kids, and theirs look like 30-year-old men?

Maybe because that's actually what I'm seeing.

Anyway, I do feel obligated to get you updated on the normal stuff, so you're informed when you return to everyday life.

Both Chicago baseball teams are on pace to lose—brace yourselves—90 games this season.

That's not a misprint. Amazingly so, White Sox GM Rick Hahn says he isn't ready to give up on the season.

Dear Rick,

We have. Thanks.

—Bag Boy

And why shouldn't we? Poor defense, no power, no punch, aging players, decent young pitching (but it isn't enough). And by the way, when it is time to officially give up, what does Hahn offer?

Rival GM: Rick, what ya got?

Hahn: Um, Paul Konerko? Jesse Crain? Adam Dunn?

Rival GM: I'll call you back. (That's the last time they ever speak).

As for the Cubs, it's time to pay Carlos Marmol—to play for someone else.

That bad? Of course.

We close on football. The Bears have hired a "director of analytics" from Stats Inc.

Mitch Tanney is his name. And yes, Jonah Hill plays him in the football version of "Moneyball."

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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