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redeyechicago.com

Stressed

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. What's wrong with the Blackhawks' power play?
Clark Jones: I'm using it to charge my phone. Sorry, guys.
Frank Holland: They should fix it by pretending they are penalty killing?
Scott Bolohan: Refs have started noticing how many men are on the ice.
John Dooley: I'm blaming everything that happened Saturday on the presence of Jim Belushi.
Angi Taylor: More people on the ice means more tired players for the 12th overtime.
2. Being a goaltender in a Stanley Cup Final is like ...
Clark Jones: ... being the lonely friend at the bar, way too many clothes/block every shot.
Frank Holland: ... being a bartender in Miami after that Heat loss. Lots of shots!
Scott Bolohan: ... being Kanye's waiter at a French restaurant.
John Dooley: ... trying to watch "According to Jim": Painful, frenetic and scarring for life.
Angi Taylor: ... being 2 Chainz's bodyguard ... blocking lots of shots!
3. What's the key to maintaining a playoff beard?
Clark Jones: You gotta let them know BEFORE the Brazilian you don't want it touched.
Frank Holland: Realizing that your guy friends are more impressed than your lady friends.
Scott Bolohan: Being single.
John Dooley: Constant stroking. Of the beard, I mean.
Angi Taylor: Exfoliants and a baby comb.
4. How could other Chicago teams get noticed during the Stanley Cup Final?
Clark Jones: I'm putting Cubs hats on the Art Institute lions personally.
Frank Holland: Playoff beards and playoff-caliber teams? Just sayin' ...
Scott Bolohan: Fitted Cap Day.
John Dooley: Put in a crappy closer and have him blow a three-run lead.
Angi Taylor: Hire Tim Tebow.
5. If your college had a fragrance, what would it smell like?
Clark Jones: Sam Jackson's anger and Dr. Martin Luther King's dress shirts! Go Morehouse College!
Frank Holland: Lollipops and Now & Laters. Pitt is a like a candy store for teenage guys. (subliminal recruiting)
Scott Bolohan: Guilt.
John Dooley: SIU? You know that smell when people don't shower, smoke pot, and drink Honey Brown? Yeah, that one.
Angi Taylor: Zima, Zubaz and debt. (It was the ’90s).