1. Who should be the next Cubs hitting coach?
|Brian Moore: Michael Barrett.|
|Matt Pais: Anyone who changes the previous, "Eh, get on base if you feel like it" policy.|
|Bill Arnett: Fine. Twist my arm, I'll do it. Rule No. 1: Hit the ball.|
|Kat Velez: Jesus Christ himself, because he's the only one who can help this team now.|
|Bear Jordan: A tee. They really need to go back to basics.|
2. What's Matt Forte doing while his Bears teammates are at minicamp?
|Brian Moore: Counting the millions of dollars he already has as he yearns for millions and millions more.|
|Matt Pais: Collecting football cards of himself. Nothing weird about trading one of you to yourself for another one of you.|
|Bill Arnett: Sitting by the phone. Wondering if he missed any calls while in the bathroom.|
|Kat Velez: Tweeting about how he didn't want to go to their stinky ol' camp anyway.|
|Bear Jordan: Working out with me. He's getting really good at avoiding tackles.|
3. Adam Dunn playing left field is like ...
|Brian Moore: ... me competing in a NASCAR race in my Ford Focus.|
|Matt Pais: I have no interest in what Adam Dunn does or does not do.|
|Bill Arnett: Wait, what? He still has a glove?|
|Kat Velez: ... me caring about the White Sox.|
|Bear Jordan: ... me trying to take the Red Line.|
4. What do you expect from Tiger Woods in the U.S. Open?
|Brian Moore: A hole-in-one. And that's before he even arrives at the course.|
|Matt Pais: This face. You can't see it, but I'm doing a great Tiger Woods impression right now.|
|Bill Arnett: He'll either totally embarrass everyone else or totally embarrass himself.|
|Kat Velez: Approximately a hundred "hole-in-one" and ball jokes on Twitter every time he steps up.|
|Bear Jordan: As long as he stays out of the woods where my relatives live, he'll be fine.|
5. Who is Alex Monteiro De Lima?
|Brian Moore: The most recent Formula 1 champ. That's why no one knows who he is.|
|Matt Pais: I have no idea. Did you accidentally receive his mail or something?|
|Bill Arnett: The next Bond movie supervillain. Blofeld, Zorin and now De Lima!|
|Kat Velez: I heard you killed his father, so you should prepare to die.|
|Bear Jordan: The next Bulls superstar—20 years from now.|