1. White Sox fans plus Cardinals fans equals ...
|Phil Thompson: ... Alabama?|
|Scott Bolohan: ... Cardinals fans.|
|Clark Jones: Wait, this is already too much math for Sox or Cardinals fans.|
|John Dooley: ... a mullet, some Marlboro Reds, some scratch-offs and a Class B felony.|
|Angi Taylor: ... the NATO rally of Cubs haters.|
2. Why has Philip Humber struggled so mightily since his perfect game?
|Phil Thompson: Maybe it's because of my cool nickname for the home runs he gives up: Humberjacks.|
|Scott Bolohan: Everyone constantly jinxes him by mentioning he sucks.|
|Clark Jones: After a dreamlike performance, the next day he woke up and remembered he played for the Sox.|
|John Dooley: Did seasons 2 to 6 of "90210" beat the first perfect season? No. And it did it diminish its greatness? No!|
|Angi Taylor: He's been spending too much time trying to get Ozzie back on Twitter. No time for practice.|
3. What will the Cubs say to Prince Fielder when Detroit comes to town this week?
|Phil Thompson: "Be gentle."|
|Scott Bolohan: "Wow, where did you find a quadruple cheeseburger?"|
|Clark Jones: You know playing for two teams ain't illegal? Just frowned upon. (slides envelope)|
|John Dooley: "Bet you wish you got some of this hot 20-win action!" (licking lips, shaking hips)|
|Angi Taylor: "Hey Prince, why don't you drop those heroes and get with this zero?"|
4. The Sky are off to a franchise-best 6-1 start. Thoughts?
|Phil Thompson: At first I thought Jo Noah just shaved his facial hair, but maybe they've had an Epiphanny.|
|Scott Bolohan: Nope.|
|Clark Jones: They still have a WNBA? That’s so cute.|
|John Dooley: I'm so stoked! (David Stern shoving $50 in my pocket)|
|Angi Taylor: Who?|
5. Let's have your NBA finals prediction.
|Phil Thompson: The Thunder in 6. Oklahoma City fans use their one "riot" fire to roast marshmallows.|
|Scott Bolohan: The Heat fan will be disappointed.|
|Clark Jones: OKC will win the city's only major league title, and we'll still find a way to hate LeBron.|
|John Dooley: The Thunder in not one, not two, not three, but four games.|
|Angi Taylor: OKC in 6, plus a lot of skinny jeans and nerd glasses.|