1. White Sox fans plus Cardinals fans equals ...
Phil Thompson: ... Alabama?
Scott Bolohan: ... Cardinals fans.
Clark Jones: Wait, this is already too much math for Sox or Cardinals fans.
John Dooley: ... a mullet, some Marlboro Reds, some scratch-offs and a Class B felony.
Angi Taylor: ... the NATO rally of Cubs haters.
2. Why has Philip Humber struggled so mightily since his perfect game?
Phil Thompson: Maybe it's because of my cool nickname for the home runs he gives up: Humberjacks.
Scott Bolohan: Everyone constantly jinxes him by mentioning he sucks.
Clark Jones: After a dreamlike performance, the next day he woke up and remembered he played for the Sox.
John Dooley: Did seasons 2 to 6 of "90210" beat the first perfect season? No. And it did it diminish its greatness? No!
Angi Taylor: He's been spending too much time trying to get Ozzie back on Twitter. No time for practice.
3. What will the Cubs say to Prince Fielder when Detroit comes to town this week?
Phil Thompson: "Be gentle."
Scott Bolohan: "Wow, where did you find a quadruple cheeseburger?"
Clark Jones: You know playing for two teams ain't illegal? Just frowned upon. (slides envelope)
John Dooley: "Bet you wish you got some of this hot 20-win action!" (licking lips, shaking hips)
Angi Taylor: "Hey Prince, why don't you drop those heroes and get with this zero?"
4. The Sky are off to a franchise-best 6-1 start. Thoughts?
Phil Thompson: At first I thought Jo Noah just shaved his facial hair, but maybe they've had an Epiphanny.
Scott Bolohan: Nope.
Clark Jones: They still have a WNBA? That’s so cute.
John Dooley: I'm so stoked! (David Stern shoving $50 in my pocket)
Angi Taylor: Who?
5. Let's have your NBA finals prediction.
Phil Thompson: The Thunder in 6. Oklahoma City fans use their one "riot" fire to roast marshmallows.
Scott Bolohan: The Heat fan will be disappointed.
Clark Jones: OKC will win the city's only major league title, and we'll still find a way to hate LeBron.
John Dooley: The Thunder in not one, not two, not three, but four games.
Angi Taylor: OKC in 6, plus a lot of skinny jeans and nerd glasses.