Thanks to an injury, Kobe Bryant (@kobebryant) is watching the NBA playoffs from well off the sidelines. So he did what any athlete with a smartphone would do: He angrily live-tweeted the L.A. Lakers' loss to San Antonio in Game 1 on Sunday.
Among his gems: "What I would say if I was there right now? 'Pau get ur ass on the block and don't move till u get it' #realtalk"
On Monday, Bryant tweeted he'd cease that practice from here on out. But RedEye gladly picks up where the Black Mamba left off. Presenting: What would Kobe Bryant tweet, Bulls-Nets edition.
12:00: Got my Joakim Noah jersey on. starting even tho he's hurt. watch and learn, pau gasol!
11:03: Hold up, fans actually show up ON TIME in Brooklyn? Must be crappy weather in NY. That's why I luv LA.
9:03: Wooh! Noah's jumper is just as smooth as mine. #notreally
8:58: Booooooriiiiiing. Come on refs it cant be that complicated a foul call.
8:34: Two points for Brook Lopez … on that takedown. He's moppin the flo w/ Kirk Hinrich. #earthweek
7:00: Damn Boozer's jumper goes higher than fans at a Snoop Dogg concert lol. Fadeaway's not half bad tho. Mine's still better.
2:00: BOOMSHAKALAKA. b11 making the bulls PAY with that dunk.
0:00: 37 combined points in the first quarter? That's barely a quarter for me. #notkidding #alsonothumble
Score: Bulls 20, Nets 17
10:32: Mr. Ex Kardashian is in the game! Congrats on the settlement. #goodriddance
9:56: Luol Deng's wrist is hurt but he still finishes strong on the break like my boy steve nash. Man I wish I were playing.
8:51: That old guy heckling the Bulls' free throws actually works! Too bad Boozer tipped in the second miss.
5:14: Bulls need a TO. Buncha guys in foul trouble but they still lead. Go figure.
4:13: Post. Post. Post. The Bulls need a bucket but won't listen to me, while b11 eats them alive inside.
2:48: That's my boy @nate_robinson. Shoot first, apologize later. Nah, j/k. No apologies.
1:22: Y'all see that dunk by deng? Even better pass from @joakimnoah. #yourmovedwighthoward
0:00: STONE COLD 3 by C.J. Watson! Reminds me of me.
0:00: Halftime! plz tell me beyonce's doin the show. Hell I'll take blue ivy. When the sexy nurse coming to wash my ass?
Score: Bulls 47, Nets 46
10:10: Sweet 3 by hinrich. just a slap in the face to the d.
9:55: Noah just busted up b11 goin to the lane… hey where did @drose get that powder blue suit? Is that a real gold tie? ha!
8:00: Foul fest foul fest foul fest.
7:02: Hey hinrich you are a GUARD. You cant be shooting 0 for 3 from the ft line. Bench em Thibs.
6:15: Nazy Mohammed sighting. That dude is almost as old as I am. #aginggracefully
5:13: Luv @stacey21king calling these gms. I'm on the Booze Cruise! Though I prefer the Bryant Bus.
2:45: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! That's my Jimmy Butler impression after that strong flush. Waddya think?
Score: Bulls 69, Nets 57
11:34: I told y'all matador d doesn't work. Belinelli looked like the Flash on that drive.
9:38: Nate Robinson vs. hardwood. Hardwood wins every time. #thatsgonnahurttomorrow
7:32: Damn Robinson almost took that coach's head off with that pass. Borrow hinrich's goggles next time.
6:16: Boom! Noah slams it. This game has a "steal one" written all over it for us. I mean, for the bulls. Must be the painkillers tweeting.
4:11: Joe Johnson is the new frontrunner for the kobe award. #makinitrain
2:48: So THAT'S why the Bulls wouldn't trade Deng for me. Clutch. Oh so clutch.
0:00: Post. Post. Post. Noah. Boozer Deng. Can't. Be. Stopped. Why. Am I tweeting. In threes?
0:00: To tweet or not to tweet.. I CHOOSE not 2. Series tied going back to Chicago. My work is done here, Bulls fans. #dropsmic
Final score: Bulls 90, Nets 82
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