1. Welcome center Michal Handzus to the Blackhawks.
|Mick Swasko: Did you say Handzus? Bless you.|
|Julie DiCaro: Yeah hi. If you could knock some people over, it would really help us out.|
|Soxman: Michal, you'll be the center of attention in Chicago if you Handzus a Stanley Cup!|
|Brad Zibung: Your bio says you played with the Hawks in 2006, but that makes no sense because the team was founded in 2008.|
|Kate Bernot: Welcome back, Michal! But remember, if your hair starts to look like it did in '06, you're gone.|
2. Why are the Blackhawks playing Nashville three times in seven days?
|Mick Swasko: To scratch a Predator in record time.|
|Julie DiCaro: Coach Q's deep and abiding love for the music of Rascal Flatts.|
|Soxman: Rascal Flatts and Lady Antebellum ... all good country groups come in threes.|
|Brad Zibung: Because of the lockout and lockouts ruin everything.|
|Kate Bernot: It's a belated April Fools joke?|
3. Who should be the Cubs' closer?
|Mick Swasko: Marmos Carmel, Carlos' sweeter and more consistent cousin.|
|Julie DiCaro: Anyone whose name doesn't rhyme with Schmarlos Schmarmol.|
|Soxman: A new scoreboard. The topic alone appears to be moving the Cubs "closer" to Rosemont.|
|Brad Zibung: I know it's not multiple choice, but can I go with "D. None of the above"?|
|Kate Bernot: Whoever it is, he'll earn the unfortunate nickname of Marmol-aid.|
4. Now that the Cubs and Sox have lowered ticket prices ...
|Mick Swasko: ... a ticket to disappointment is a hell of a lot cheaper than Lollapalooza.|
|Julie DiCaro: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear your question over my $77 tickets to Opening Day.|
|Soxman: ... White Sox fans will have more cash to #MakeAnImpact at the concession stand.|
|Brad Zibung: The Cubs lowered ticket prices? Was that before or after I wrote the check for my season tickets?|
|Kate Bernot: ... that's a few extra bucks toward those expensive stadium beers! Woo!|
5. How can you tell the McDonald's All-American game is in town?
|Mick Swasko: The cardboard cutouts of D-Rose at McD's are getting more play time than he is.|
|Julie DiCaro: Teen mobs are wilding over by the UC rather than Water Tower Place.|
|Soxman: There's a McFlurry of supersized kids at the United Center. No small fries, just Big Macs.|
|Brad Zibung: A bunch of 18-year-olds are in town arguing over who's most likely to get drafted by the Bobcats next year.|
|Kate Bernot: The Harlem Shake has been temporarily replaced by the Shamrock Shake. I ain't mad.|