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redeyechicago.com

Handz up!

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. Welcome center Michal Handzus to the Blackhawks.
Mick Swasko: Did you say Handzus? Bless you.
Julie DiCaro: Yeah hi. If you could knock some people over, it would really help us out.
Soxman: Michal, you'll be the center of attention in Chicago if you Handzus a Stanley Cup!
Brad Zibung: Your bio says you played with the Hawks in 2006, but that makes no sense because the team was founded in 2008.
Kate Bernot: Welcome back, Michal! But remember, if your hair starts to look like it did in '06, you're gone.
2. Why are the Blackhawks playing Nashville three times in seven days?
Mick Swasko: To scratch a Predator in record time.
Julie DiCaro: Coach Q's deep and abiding love for the music of Rascal Flatts.
Soxman: Rascal Flatts and Lady Antebellum ... all good country groups come in threes.
Brad Zibung: Because of the lockout and lockouts ruin everything.
Kate Bernot: It's a belated April Fools joke?
3. Who should be the Cubs' closer?
Mick Swasko: Marmos Carmel, Carlos' sweeter and more consistent cousin.
Julie DiCaro: Anyone whose name doesn't rhyme with Schmarlos Schmarmol.
Soxman: A new scoreboard. The topic alone appears to be moving the Cubs "closer" to Rosemont.
Brad Zibung: I know it's not multiple choice, but can I go with "D. None of the above"?
Kate Bernot: Whoever it is, he'll earn the unfortunate nickname of Marmol-aid.
4. Now that the Cubs and Sox have lowered ticket prices ...
Mick Swasko: ... a ticket to disappointment is a hell of a lot cheaper than Lollapalooza.
Julie DiCaro: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear your question over my $77 tickets to Opening Day.
Soxman: ... White Sox fans will have more cash to #MakeAnImpact at the concession stand.
Brad Zibung: The Cubs lowered ticket prices? Was that before or after I wrote the check for my season tickets?
Kate Bernot: ... that's a few extra bucks toward those expensive stadium beers! Woo!
5. How can you tell the McDonald's All-American game is in town?
Mick Swasko: The cardboard cutouts of D-Rose at McD's are getting more play time than he is.
Julie DiCaro: Teen mobs are wilding over by the UC rather than Water Tower Place.
Soxman: There's a McFlurry of supersized kids at the United Center. No small fries, just Big Macs.
Brad Zibung: A bunch of 18-year-olds are in town arguing over who's most likely to get drafted by the Bobcats next year.
Kate Bernot: The Harlem Shake has been temporarily replaced by the Shamrock Shake. I ain't mad.