1. The first weekend of March Madness is ...
Alex Quigley: ... when your Billion Dollar Dream dies.
Evan F. Moore: ... one of the great inventions of our time along with the HDMI cord and Netflix.
Phil Thompson: ... usually when I have the wake for my bracket.
Jimmy Greenfield: ... responsible for the greatest drop in work productivity besides just being a really crappy worker.
Bag Boy: ... like you're an addict and basketball is all the drugs you can get. Only you don't have to worry about dying from it!
2. If you were an NCAA tournament announcer, what would be your catchphrase?
Alex Quigley: "Sweet holy mother[bleep]!" My career would be brief.
Evan F. Moore: "Look at the flowers Lizzie! Boom!"
Phil Thompson: After a monster dunk, I say, "You can't buy that at the farmers market!" Which is why I'm not on TV.
Jimmy Greenfield: "GRAB YOUR CROTCH AND GIVE IT A TWIRL, THAT ONE HURT!"
Bag Boy: When someone dunks the basketball I would scream "Two Points!"
3. What was Derrick Rose thinking when LeBron James got his own Sprite drink?
Alex Quigley: "Reggie, get the Jolt people on the phone IMMEDIATELY."
Evan F. Moore: "I guess LeBron flopped to get that endorsement huh?"
Phil Thompson: He's really surprised a Miami player made a deal that didn't involve Coke.
Jimmy Greenfield: "Dammit, I just tore another ligament in my knee."
Bag Boy: "I'm gonna have one of those too, but mine is going to be a Shasta. They still make those?"
4. Tell us something about the Carolina Hurricanes, the Hawks' opponent Friday.
Alex Quigley: They used to be the Hartford Whalers. They were cooler then.
Evan F. Moore: Why does North Carolina have a hockey team? Seattle? Quebec? Hello!
Phil Thompson: Carolina's secondary logo is the "Storm Warning Flag" -- and I didn't get that from Wikipedia.
Jimmy Greenfield: They're very glad they don't have to play against Patrick Kane.
Bag Boy: They were originally the New England Whalers in 1971 and played some of their games at the Boston Garden.
5. If titanium golf clubs can start fires, what should players use instead?
Alex Quigley:If "Mario Golf" has taught me anything, Yoshi's tongue.
Evan F. Moore: Stay with those golf clubs. Maybe it will help the PGA's ratings.
Phil Thompson: You know what else in golf starts fires? Match play. I'm here all week, ladies and germs.
Jimmy Greenfield: Fireproof titanium golf clubs.
Bag Boy: I guess we're down to Wiffle golf. Boring as heck, but we'll be safe.