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redeyechicago.com

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6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. Which Chicago athlete should be on "Dancing with the Stars"?
Matt Pais: Or maybe the show could actually feature real celebs who aren't athletic.
Kate Bernot: If by "Dancing with the Stars" you mean "Dancing with Kate in her kitchen to John Legend," then Patrick Sharp.
Jane Monzures: Jay Cutler. It would be nice to see him on his feet.
Kat Velez: Patrick Kane would wow the judges with his spin moves.
Shaun Davis: Carlos Boozer. He's got the facial expressions and screams a spin and dip missed plus the clap.
2. Knee injuries are to the Bulls as ...
Matt Pais: ... knee injuries are to the Bears. Translation: Nobody likes knee injuries.
Kate Bernot: ... that second stair was to Jennifer Lawrence.
Jane Monzures: ... stinky, dirty diapers are to babies.
Kat Velez: ... concussions are to the Blackhawks -- they take out important parts of the team for too long.
Shaun Davis: ... a nail is to a hammer. Coach Thibs is the hammer and eventually the nail gives way.
3. Why would the NHL put the Blackhawks and Red Wings in separate conferences?
Matt Pais: I know, bummer, it totally prevents us all from taking that Detroit road trip we've always wanted.
Kate Bernot: The same reasons parents put kicking, screaming, biting children in separate corners.
Jane Monzures: No matter how big the rivalry, no one wants to go to Detroit anyway.
Kat Velez: The NHL is as tired of the "Detroit sucks" chants as the rest of us.
Shaun Davis: Clueless like Gary Bettman, but a Hawks/Red Wings Stanley Cup final would be titanic.
4. What drill should be added to the NFL scouting combine?
Matt Pais: Pin the tail on the cheetah.
Kate Bernot: Salsa moves. Paging Victor Cruz!
Jane Monzures: A combine dunk tank filled with Gatorade.
Kat Velez: Dodging questions at press junkets.
Shaun Davis: Obstacle courses in all the events.
5. Why does baseball allow ties in spring training?
Matt Pais: Because only playoff teams get to wear tuxedos. I said business casual, you bums!
Kate Bernot: Because it's nice to see the players all dressed up! Wait, what?
Jane Monzures: It's not about winning or losing in preseason, its about getting your new guys some hot chicks in the bleachers.
Kat Velez: No one cares.
Shaun Davis: Who wants to watch players who won't make the roster play extra inning baseball ? #torture
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