1. What's impressed you most about the Blackhawks' season so far?
|Clark Jones: I'm always surprised by how much clothing the players need, but the coach? Just a three-piece suit.|
|Stanley's Cup: Oh, I don't know. Maybe ... EVERYTHING!|
|Scott Bolohan: Their road attendance numbers are up slightly.|
|John Dooley: That whole deal where they don't lose in regulation. I like that.|
|Angi Taylor: That I've actually been paying attention. #ilikewinners|
2. Until Derrick Rose returns, I will ...
|Clark Jones: ... be handling all of his interviews. "Thank my mom." "Play hard." "I mean ..."|
|Stanley's Cup: ... stick to decaf.|
|Scott Bolohan: ... be poor.|
|John Dooley: ... delude myself into thinking this Bulls team can contend.|
|Angi Taylor: ... continue lighting candles at the Derrick shrine I've erected in my house.|
3. How should Kirk Hinrich treat his injured elbow?
|Clark Jones: Like the Onion treats 9-year-old actresses: Tweet inappropriate things about it.|
|Stanley's Cup: Maybe treat it to a day at the spa.|
|Scott Bolohan: As he wants to be treated.|
|John Dooley: The same way he treats all of his pain issues: by weeding. I mean, reading.|
|Angi Taylor: Windex. I hear it fixes everything.|
4. Persuade the Yankees to trade for Alfonso Soriano.
|Clark Jones: Look, New York. Accept Alfonso and we'll take Kanye off your hands.|
|Stanley's Cup: He's one of the Lovable Losers! Wait, no. He's only one of those things.|
|Scott Bolohan: [Waves arms in front of Yankees' face] This is the left fielder you are looking for.|
|John Dooley: Just hand over the picks, New York, and nobody gets hurt! You hear me?!|
|Angi Taylor: Nothing will bring back 2002 like pairing him up with youngsters like Jeter and A-Rod.|
5. Who said this: "I'm sure we'll get a little quirky view of it, too"?
|Clark Jones: Gynecologists everywhere!|
|Stanley's Cup: Coach Quenneville's mustache on his midgame scowl.|
|Scott Bolohan: Manti Te'o at Loch Ness.|
|John Dooley: Jenn Sterger's friends after hearing she got a text from Brett Favre?|
|Angi Taylor: The Cubs' management referring to last place?|
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