1. What other records will the Blackhawks set this season?
Marc Silverman: The number of fans jumping on a team's bandwagon. And that's totally cool.
Pete McMurray: Single-season record for beer sales. Yeah buddy!
Ernest Wilkins: Fastest bandwagon construction, for sure!
Elliott Serrano: Most newborn children named for an NHL team.
Sarah Spain: Most 10-year-old girls proposing marriage to 20-something men via poster.
2. If Adidas is giving a contract to the fastest player at the NFL combine ...
Marc Silverman: Isn't that like Weight Watchers signing a skinny guy? I think that player has shoes that work.
Pete McMurray: ... match.com is giving away dates to anyone who got dumped by a fake girlfriend.
Ernest Wilkins: ... then why can't I get one for "most attractive man who can eat 4 cheeseburgers at once"?
Elliott Serrano: ... they must be in some sort of hurry to replace ... someone.
Sarah Spain: ... then Leon Sandcastle is about to be a very rich man!
3. After D-Rose's brother, who'll be next to comment on the Bulls star's return?
Marc Silverman: Waddle and I. Today on ESPN 1000. Make it a point to be there!
Pete McMurray: Baby Jesus. "Please Baby Jesus bring D-Rose back to us! Pa-leeeze?!"
Ernest Wilkins: Me. Here it is: "Derrick Rose comes back this week."
Elliott Serrano: I'm waiting on comment from Adidas for that answer.
Sarah Spain: For everyone's sake, let's hope it's Derrick himself.
4. Spring training games started this weekend. How does that make you feel?
Marc Silverman: Like listening to an Oscar winner's speech. A bunch of names I've never heard of and it lasts too long.
Pete McMurray: That it's just around the corner when we'll be seeing the Cubs in last place.
Ernest Wilkins: Amazing. Now can I get my tax return back now so I can afford to go to a game?
Elliott Serrano: Like the groundhog lied to me! Where is the early spring we were promised?
Sarah Spain: Cold. Get me to Mesa, stat!
5. Who should be No. 1 in college basketball?
Marc Silverman: The coach with the silver linings playbook.
Pete McMurray: Duke. Because all the women will pick them to win in their NCAA pools!
Ernest Wilkins: Why does it matter when the tournament doesn't factor in Top 25 ranking in the slightest?
Elliott Serrano: The Hoosiers. Come on, they don't have anything else in Indiana.
Sarah Spain: The UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. Just the mascot, not the team.