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1. When will Derrick Rose be ready to dunk again?
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Tracy Swartz: In the distal future. |
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Julie DiCaro: When Adidas says he's ready. |
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Soxman: When Dunkin' Donuts sends him a dozen. They must be jam filled. |
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Brad Zibung: I heard he's already dunking on a 12-foot rim but I also heard he's still using a walker. I have no clue. |
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Megan Crepeau: When the seventh son of the seventh son rises in the east. At least I think that's what Nostradamus meant. |
2. The White Sox giving each other haircuts in spring training is like ...
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Tracy Swartz: ... maybe the highlight of the season. |
| Julie DiCaro: I don't even know. Why are guys so careless with their hair? |
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Soxman: ... great practice for getting out of hairy situations as a team in big games. |
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Brad Zibung: ... one way for them to save some money until fans start showing up again. |
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Megan Crepeau: ... disaster. A camp full of baseball bros probably shouldn't be given any sharp objects. |
3. How should Matt Garza treat his mild lat strain?
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Tracy Swartz: Pull a Cubs and take a year off. |
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Julie DiCaro: By chastising fans on Twitter for speculating about his injury. Again. |
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Soxman: He just needs to relax and LAT the Cubs defense have his BACK. |
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Brad Zibung: He should probably just up and retire already. |
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Megan Crepeau: My mom always said anything can be cured if you just drink enough water. |
4. What's behind Illinois' four-game winning streak?
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Tracy Swartz: Fourplay: Northwestern, Purdue, Minnesota and Indiana. |
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Julie DiCaro: A pact with the devil. Obviously. |
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Soxman: Coaching strategy: take ugly shots and Groce the other team out. |
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Brad Zibung: Four games they didn't lose. It's a miracle! |
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Megan Crepeau: They're fueled by the Midwest's own magic (aka casseroles). |
5. Who is Mikaela Shiffrin?
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Tracy Swartz: A young ski champion. Slalom, to the big leagues. |
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Julie DiCaro: The nicer, less broken, less Tiger Woods-y Lindsey Vonn. |
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Soxman: As my Hebrew friends say: Slalom. As LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem says: everyday she's Shiffrin. |
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Brad Zibung: I'm guessing she's some hot athlete who's going to appear in the 2015 Swimsuit Issue in nothing but body paint. |
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Megan Crepeau: A quick Google reveals that she's sponsored by Barilla pasta, which makes her a girl after my own heart. |