1. Lance Briggs just appeared on "Happy Endings." Who's the next Bear to get an acting gig?
|Marc Silverman: "House Hunters" with Lovie Smith.|
|Pete McMurray: Jay Cutler, "The Young and the Restless."|
|Ernest Wilkins: Phil Emery, in the reboot of "A Very Long Engagement."|
|Elliott Serrano: Jay Cutler will appear in the next Muppet Movie as their newest character, "Grumpy Puss."|
|Sarah Spain: Kellen Davis on ABC's "Wipeout." No acting required, just falling.|
2. Why is Brian Kelly staying at Notre Dame?
|Marc Silverman: Do you remember former Eagles coach Rich Kotite? Exactly. That's why.|
|Pete McMurray: Because he'd rot in hell if he left (Philly/hell, same thing).|
|Ernest Wilkins: Because Cleveland can never have anything nice. See: Cleveland.|
|Elliott Serrano: There's no impending investigation of his program by the NCAA, so why not?|
|Sarah Spain: Tough to leave the sun, fun and excitement of South Bend, Ind. Amiright?|
3. Five days until the Hawks start the season. How are you preparing?
|Marc Silverman: My friend Sammy is helping me design a Blackhawks Pinterest page.|
|Pete McMurray: I bumped my neighbor, pulled his shirt over his head and punched him in the breadbasket.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Warming up all my best "dumping" the puck jokes!|
|Elliott Serrano: Trying to get over my anger at the NHL for making me suffer another lockout. Not there yet.|
|Sarah Spain: I hired Jim Cornelison to wake me up every morning with a rousing rendition of the national anthem.|
4. What does Kirk Hinrich think when he plays against his old team in Atlanta?
|Marc Silverman: "Can't wait to see NeNe and discuss why she's marrying her ex-husband. That girl is cray."|
|Pete McMurray: "I left Hotlanta to play with Derrick Rose. Derrick, where are you? Derrick? Hello? Yello?|
|Ernest Wilkins: Same thing I would: "Man, do I miss Waffle House."|
|Elliott Serrano: Same thing I do whenever I see an ex: "We weren't THAT bad together, were we?"|
|Sarah Spain: "I'm playing! I'm playing! I can't believe I -- ahhhhh my hamstring/arm/shoulder/knee."|
5. If Denver ends up hosting a Super Bowl ...
|Marc Silverman: ... when it comes to tailgating, count me out for the Rocky Mountain oysters.|
|Pete McMurray: ... look for Mile High clubs to pop up all over!|
|Ernest Wilkins: ... then that episode of "South Park" will be a must-watch.|
|Elliott Serrano: ... Rahm Emanuel is gonna eat his cigar.|
|Sarah Spain: ... coaches will need to teach their teams how to defend against the "puff-puff-pass."|