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Five on Five: TV scars

If Lance Briggs can be on TV, why can't these Bears? Oh, that's why

By Chris Sosa, @redeyesportschi

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. Lance Briggs just appeared on "Happy Endings." Who's the next Bear to get an acting gig?
Marc Silverman: "House Hunters" with Lovie Smith.
Pete McMurray: Jay Cutler, "The Young and the Restless."
Ernest Wilkins: Phil Emery, in the reboot of "A Very Long Engagement."
Elliott Serrano: Jay Cutler will appear in the next Muppet Movie as their newest character, "Grumpy Puss."
Sarah Spain: Kellen Davis on ABC's "Wipeout." No acting required, just falling.
2. Why is Brian Kelly staying at Notre Dame?
Marc Silverman: Do you remember former Eagles coach Rich Kotite? Exactly. That's why.
Pete McMurray: Because he'd rot in hell if he left (Philly/hell, same thing).
Ernest Wilkins: Because Cleveland can never have anything nice. See: Cleveland.
Elliott Serrano: There's no impending investigation of his program by the NCAA, so why not?
Sarah Spain: Tough to leave the sun, fun and excitement of South Bend, Ind. Amiright?
3. Five days until the Hawks start the season. How are you preparing?
Marc Silverman: My friend Sammy is helping me design a Blackhawks Pinterest page.
Pete McMurray: I bumped my neighbor, pulled his shirt over his head and punched him in the breadbasket.
Ernest Wilkins: Warming up all my best "dumping" the puck jokes!
Elliott Serrano: Trying to get over my anger at the NHL for making me suffer another lockout. Not there yet.
Sarah Spain: I hired Jim Cornelison to wake me up every morning with a rousing rendition of the national anthem.
4. What does Kirk Hinrich think when he plays against his old team in Atlanta?
Marc Silverman: "Can't wait to see NeNe and discuss why she's marrying her ex-husband. That girl is cray."
Pete McMurray: "I left Hotlanta to play with Derrick Rose. Derrick, where are you? Derrick? Hello? Yello?
Ernest Wilkins: Same thing I would: "Man, do I miss Waffle House."
Elliott Serrano: Same thing I do whenever I see an ex: "We weren't THAT bad together, were we?"
Sarah Spain: "I'm playing! I'm playing! I can't believe I -- ahhhhh my hamstring/arm/shoulder/knee."
5. If Denver ends up hosting a Super Bowl ...
Marc Silverman: ... when it comes to tailgating, count me out for the Rocky Mountain oysters.
Pete McMurray: ... look for Mile High clubs to pop up all over!
Ernest Wilkins: ... then that episode of "South Park" will be a must-watch.
Elliott Serrano: ... Rahm Emanuel is gonna eat his cigar.
Sarah Spain: ... coaches will need to teach their teams how to defend against the "puff-puff-pass."