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1. What should the Bears look for in their next head coach?
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Brian Moore: A mustache, duh. |
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Matt Pais: Energy. Strength. Honesty. Though I'd settle for someone who actually talks. |
| Jane Monzures: Dark glasses, mustache, hot temper, smokes cigars. |
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Kat Velez: Competency. And a good mustache. |
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Ben Johnson: Five offensive linemen and a defense in its 20s. |
2. Why is Derrick Rose so excited about making left turns in practice?
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Brian Moore: He's secretly a big NASCAR fan. |
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Matt Pais: He's endorsing a new brand of turn signal. Would you really use some off-brand signal he doesn't support? |
| Jane Monzures: Left turns are scary, especially in oncoming traffic. |
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Kat Velez: He's preparing for his second career as a NASCAR driver. |
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Ben Johnson: He's been rehabbing like crazy so he can start again this year -- in NASCAR. |
3. Now that Bulls guard Nate Robinson's contract is guaranteed ...
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Brian Moore: ... his performance will inexplicably plummet. |
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Matt Pais: ... he can start paying me back. The "for what" and "why" is not important. |
| Jane Monzures: ... the Luvabulls can start calling him Nate instead of Mr. Robinson. |
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Kat Velez: ... can those "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood" Nike commercials make a comeback? |
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Ben Johnson: ... 3s will be chucked. |
4. What should Northwestern get for winning the Gator Bowl?
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Brian Moore: The Bears' spot in the NFL. |
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Matt Pais: They won? Congrats. Not interested. The bowl system is stupid. |
| Jane Monzures: A season's supply of Gator bites. Tastes just like chicken! |
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Kat Velez: Another 64-year drought. |
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Ben Johnson: A one-game playoff with the Jaguars to be Jacksonville's NFL team. |
5. How are you preparing for the NFL playoffs?
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Brian Moore: Steeling myself for a sickening amount of feel-good stories about Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning. |
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Matt Pais: By actually caring and planning to watch. The operative word is "playoffs." |
| Jane Monzures: Just like my team, packing my suitcase and heading home. |
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Kat Velez: By glaring at my sister, the Colts fan. Yes, I'm bitter! |
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Ben Johnson: I've been reading up on the IMDB pages of all my favorite Taco Bell commercial actors. |