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redeyechicago.com

Five on Five: Getting hairy

Wow, Chicago fans really do love a good mustache.

By Chris Sosa, @redeyesportschi

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. What should the Bears look for in their next head coach?
Brian Moore: A mustache, duh.
Matt Pais: Energy. Strength. Honesty. Though I'd settle for someone who actually talks.
Jane Monzures: Dark glasses, mustache, hot temper, smokes cigars.
Kat Velez: Competency. And a good mustache.
Ben Johnson: Five offensive linemen and a defense in its 20s.
2. Why is Derrick Rose so excited about making left turns in practice?
Brian Moore: He's secretly a big NASCAR fan.
Matt Pais: He's endorsing a new brand of turn signal. Would you really use some off-brand signal he doesn't support?
Jane Monzures: Left turns are scary, especially in oncoming traffic.
Kat Velez: He's preparing for his second career as a NASCAR driver.
Ben Johnson: He's been rehabbing like crazy so he can start again this year -- in NASCAR.
3. Now that Bulls guard Nate Robinson's contract is guaranteed ...
Brian Moore: ... his performance will inexplicably plummet.
Matt Pais: ... he can start paying me back. The "for what" and "why" is not important.
Jane Monzures: ... the Luvabulls can start calling him Nate instead of Mr. Robinson.
Kat Velez: ... can those "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood" Nike commercials make a comeback?
Ben Johnson: ... 3s will be chucked.
4. What should Northwestern get for winning the Gator Bowl?
Brian Moore: The Bears' spot in the NFL.
Matt Pais: They won? Congrats. Not interested. The bowl system is stupid.
Jane Monzures: A season's supply of Gator bites. Tastes just like chicken!
Kat Velez: Another 64-year drought.
Ben Johnson: A one-game playoff with the Jaguars to be Jacksonville's NFL team.
5. How are you preparing for the NFL playoffs?
Brian Moore: Steeling myself for a sickening amount of feel-good stories about Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning.
Matt Pais: By actually caring and planning to watch. The operative word is "playoffs."
Jane Monzures: Just like my team, packing my suitcase and heading home.
Kat Velez: By glaring at my sister, the Colts fan. Yes, I'm bitter!
Ben Johnson: I've been reading up on the IMDB pages of all my favorite Taco Bell commercial actors.