9:17 AM CST, November 13, 2012
How long before the Bears offense finally punishes an opponent for the insulting squib kicks?
I’ll hang up and listen for my next three-and-out.
A couple weeks after the Panthers dared the Bears with that strategy, the Texans did it Sunday, pantsing the Bears offense in front of NBC and everyone.
The Texans willingly gave the Bears great starting position all night, even at midfield when one squib kick drilled J.T. Thomas in the gut. No matter. No touchdown.
Like the Panthers before them, the Texans believed Devin Hester running the length of the field was more dangerous than the Bears offense on a short field.
And remember, that was with a healthy Jay Cutler starting. If Cutler’s concussion forces Jason Campbell to start for one of the worst passing offenses in the league, then opponents might call for onside kicks just to get some live practice.
The Texans and Panthers were saying the Bears don’t know what they’re doing when they have the ball, outside of throwing to Brandon Marshall into double- and triple-coverage, I mean.
There can be no bigger indictment of the Bears offense. The squib kicks looked like a national taunt, and the embarrassment might not stop until opponents get burned.
On Sunday, the Bears managed a ridiculous 99 yards in the first half and lost the ball four times. They won the toss and elected to forfeit the offensive side of the ball.
Altogether, the Bears offense started nine drives beyond their 35-yard line. Nine, do you hear me?
They still haven’t scored a touchdown.
Here’s how those nine possessions ended: fumble, fumble, interception, field goal, interception, punt, field goal, missed field goal and downs. Drive home safely.
The Bears tried to commit to the run in the second half. That worked for, I don’t know, about three plays.
And how perfect was the Bears’ last play of the game? On fourth-and-8 at their 40, Campbell fired an incomplete pass. He wasn’t throwing for Marshall. He was throwing into what appeared to be quadruple coverage of Matt Forte. He was nearly picked off. Thanks for playing our game.
You want to know how laughable the Bears offense was? The most reliable unit was the line.
No lie. I mean, just look: It kept the quarterbacks clean while they were making all those bad throws, and while receivers dropped passes, one in the end zone, and while running backs fumbled or gained nothing, and while Kellen Davis should’ve used the two-minute warning to announce his retirement.
The defense deserves to go to the Super Bowl. The offense ought to be sent to its room without dessert. Maybe Tim Jennings can play quarterback, too.
At what point does the Bears offense get fed up and make opponents pay?
I’ll hang up and listen for the next turnover.
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