Dwyane Wade: sommelier for Miami's whine country

Chicago Tribune sports columnist Steve Rosenbloom talks about the bad prospects of Chicago baseball. (Posted on: May 8, 2013)

Is Dwyane Wade still whining to the refs from Game 1 or has he launched an early crybaby offensive for Game 2?

I tweeted that question Tuesday, and the most common response was any combination of “Yes,’’ “Both,’’ and “Duh.’’

Love “Duh.’’

Fair’s fair: The refs should be able to whine at Wade everytime he takes a stupid shot.

LeBron James does it, too, but not nearly as childishly, and most of the time he actually has been fouled because he’s unguardable.

If you can call holding on every NFL play, then you can call a foul every time James isolates.

But officials seem to get tired of calling fouls the way they seemed to ignore the hacks on Shaquille O’Neal.

Wade, though, is so embarrassing about it that he doesn’t seem to realize there’s a game going on while he’s carrying on.

Hey, pal, I’ll bet the Heat would appreciate your showing up on the defensive end.

Of course, when Wade does show up there, he acts like he has never committed a foul, which is the yin and the yammering when you think you’re ALWAYS fouled at the offensive end.

Twitter follower John Brown opined that “there should be a stat for points scored while a Heat player lays on the court whining about a no-call.’’

Yeah, get some new metrics for basketball: VORC – Value Over Replacement Crybaby.

Wade is coming off yet another injury and seemed slower on both ends of the court in Game 1. That, of course, makes Wade look sillier when he acts like he’s revisiting his “terrible twos.’’

Maybe I’m wrong, but if he’s slower offensively, then he’s easier to guard, which means he isn’t fouled every time he gets defended the way James usually is.

If Wade is slower defensively, then he can’t stay with players as well, unless of course it’s the relic Richard Hamilton, which means he’s going to commit more fouls.

That’s just common sense. But go ahead, try to reason with a 2-year-old.

In one episode in Game 1, Wade was called for a foul and threw his hands up in the lane, animatedly showing up the officials. That’s supposed to be a technical foul. A lot of Wade’s silly act should result in technical fouls.

When the Bulls were winning championships, Phil Jackson did all the whining for the players. He whined during games and whined during off days. That was part of his job so his players didn’t feel the need to pop off.

Every coach was doing it in the 1980s and ‘90s. Loudly. The lobbying for calls was public and comic. Bulls-Knicks became the hoops version of “The Campaign.’’ I think Jackson was Zach Galifianakis and Pat Riley was Will Ferrell.

That’s what coaches do. They whine so their players can act like adults.

But Erik Spoelstra can’t seem to get a mewl in. It’s part of the Miami star players’ DNA. When you’re “Hollywood as hell,’’ as Joakim Noah said of the Heat, then you get the diva act.

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