Taking batting practice before Cubs-Sox

Some early BP before this week’s oil spill of a City Series:

Who goes crazier tonight, Cubs runners on Gavin Floyd or the flash mob in Carlos Zambrano’s head? Web poll!

Or maybe the question should be: Who do the Cubs run on more, Gavin Floyd or Juan Pierre?

Alfonso Soriano said he doesn’t believe that Zambrano is thinking about last year when the Cubs pitcher went nuts on his team in the U.S. Cellular visitor’s dugout and confronted Derrek Lee so loudly that it woke up Lou Piniella. Point is, that’s a big leap --- accusing Zambrano of thinking.

Zambrano went to anger management, then came back to win a bunch of meaningless games that helped encourage the Cubs to hire a meaningless manager to protect a hopeless general manager who continues to sucker a clueless owner. And then Zambrano went back to acting out, blowing off the manager and ripping teammates, so you can see he’s made as much progress as the meaningless manager, hopeless general manager and clueless owner.

Zambrano reiterated last week what he said last year -- if the Cubs asked, he would waive his no-trade clause. The real question is, how come the Cubs don’t have a no-idiots clause? Even a partial no-idiots clause. Like, say, in the management offices.

If I’m picking an all-city team, then Brent Lillibridge is my left fielder or I just close that field like we did as kids.

The Cubs went from taking three of four from the Brewers to dumping two of three to the Yankees, meaning the Cubs haven’t won consecutive series since, I don’t know, 1908 because 1908 always seems to be the answer with the Cubs.

Good news for the Cubs, however: the bigger loser coming into this sometimes embarrassing clash has won half the series.

If the Sox can’t take a series at home from the Cubs, then forget about beating Detroit.

And just forfeit the all the Minnesota games.

Oh, wait, they already have.

The Cubs played at home the weekend of the Just For Laughs comedy festival. Just a coincidence, I’m sure.

This series starts on a Monday instead of the usual Friday because baseball’s broadcast partners demanded Yankees-Cubs so they could show at least one team over .500.

Best thing about the city rivalry? A killer sketch in “South Side of Heaven,’’ the new show on Second City’s main stage. Spoiler alert: I don’t know what I’ll give away, or even what you’re not supposed to give away in these kinds of reviews, but there it is.

The sketch involves two African-Americans and two Caucasians, Sox and Cubs fans getting together to watch a game. Naturally, they start defending their team by attacking the other’s. A Cubs fan can’t say whether he likes Sox manager Ozzie Guillen because he can’t understand him. A Sox fan calls “Go Cubs Go’’ an “old Negro spiritual for baseball.’’

From there, actors Edward Mason, Tim Robinson, Sam Robertson and Edgar Blackmon blast into some sharp and funny socio-economic commentary built around the absolute gem of a line: “I don’t like that there’s a word that only half of us can say.’’

Great truth. Great show. OK, back to wins and losses. And losses.

Cubs manager Mike Quade said the City Series is “kind of neat’’ that you can have a road trip where you can “ride the train and still sleep in your own bed,’’ and I’m thinking, Cubs managers sleep only when it comes to teaching and emphasizing fundamentals.

The Choice (and remember, death is not an option): Jeff Baker’s play in the right-field corner or Alfonso Soriano and Reed Johnson in left-center?

The Cy Young race is over as long as Justin Verlander can draw a breath, but Philip Humber deserves an All-Star nod, I’ll tell you that.

I love Paul Konerko, but please stop this silly MVP talk. Nobody can be THAT valuable on a losing team.

Unless you’re a Cub, of course.

Wait, I think I’ve found one thing Cubs and Sox fans can agree on: hating Nick Swisher.

I don’t see how this series means more to the Cubs unless it ends in Hendry’s firing.


Copyright © 2015, RedEye
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