10:46 AM CDT, July 7, 2011
Who’s dumber, the Cubs or Carlos Zambrano?
No easy questions here. This is a tough mid-term exam. The Cubs can make a strong case over the last century, but if this is only Year Two of the Ricketts disaster, then Zambrano would seem to have a body of stupidity that would dwarf even the retention of general managerJim Hendry.
It’s a close battle, I’m telling you. A coin flip, it seems. Vegas would make it a pick’em.
Latest cases in point began when Zambrano went on the disabled list with a bad back that forced him out of a game. He had experienced back trouble before, such as when he was trying to win the batting-practice home run title, one of the many idiot things Zambrano has done while apparently been enabled by the apparently neutered Cubs.
Anyway, Zambrano got hurt and then threw out the first pitch at a softball game. It’s not that his back was in much jeopardy, but it was the appearance of idiocy. The big goof is as tone deaf as the Fanboy Owner, and now the pitcher and team are reaching new and difference levels of stupidity.
Zambrano threw a bullpen session at Wrigley Field on Wednesday while the Cubs were looking stupid in a third straight one-run loss in Washington on a suicide squeeze that just pantsed everybody from the manager on down. More of that later. For now, the story is that Zambrano threw a bullpen at Wrigley instead of in Washington because the Cubs didn’t want the big goof to further hurt or strain his back sitting on an airplane. This spasm of lucidity could impact the Cubs’ chances reaching first place in the Frickin' Idiot League.
Now get a load of this: Zambrano plans to fly to Guatemala over the All-Star break to prepare for the adoption of his son. Can you say “utter disrespect,’’ boys and girls?
What’s more, the Cubs have not said they will stop him. Dopes all around, it looks like. Zambrano continues to clown his team the way he clowned his manager with that bat-over-the-knee-episode and the team apparently says, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?’’
Just like the winning play in Wednesday’s loss that dropped the Cubs to their worst point in this season, which is saying something. The decisive squeeze play came against Kerry Wood, who hasn’t seemed sharp mentally or physically since coming off the disabled list. Maybe he’s trying to quiet down trade talk. Stinking it up is certainly a way to guarantee a lifetime in a Cubs uniform.
But Wood seems like an object lesson for the Cubs and Zambrano’s return: What’s the hurry? The season is over. Actually, it has been over since, well, when was Opening Day? If not then, certainly it was time to abandon hope, all ye who enter Wrigley, when they got swept at home by the laughable Astros and the Fanboy Owner commented that there was “nothing’’ wrong with his team, “just a lot of injuries.’’
As baselines for stupidity at Wrigley go, it’s an amazing thing to hear that from the guy in charge because you’d think that a self-proclaimed Cubs fan who has felt the frustration of all these seasons wouldn’t act like the last owner in playing Cubs fans for stupid. But he is.
Anyway, back to lesson here: stop. There’s no point in rushing Zambrano back just as there was no point in rushing Wood back. Why would you do it? To avoid being caught by Houston? The only reason I can imagine the Cubs’ rushing back Zambrano is because they’re hoping to find a sucker to trade for him. There wasn’t much interest in the guy before, so the trip to the disabled list isn’t going to help, but perhaps the Cubs believe they can find another team as stupid as they believe their own fans are.
Oh, and here’s something else that reeks of Cubs’ enabling and idiocy: Wood never made a rehab stint in the minors. Just went from his blister to the major league roster, and has looked awful. I don’t know whether he didn’t want to go to the minors or whether best buddy Hendry didn’t think it mattered, or whether everybody’s partying because, hey, it’s not like Cubs fans deserve the best baseball organization, but it’s insulting that the Cubs let Wood pitch himself back into a rhythm at the major-league level.
Maybe Zambrano will make a rehab start before coming off the DL, maybe not. Maybe he won’t want to, maybe the Cubs won’t care enough to demand that he do it. Maybe they’ll try to con everybody into thinking a simulated game is the same thing, which it isn’t, but it’s a very Cub thing to do.
Either way, this ought to be exciting, the Cubs and Zambrano, down the stretch, neck and neck, grinding and fighting and doing everything to see who’s dumber.
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