I tell my friends I love “Game of Thrones” for its sophisticated portrayal of power dynamics in a feudal setting, for the heartbreaking acting and the gorgeous sets and even for the costuming.
This is a lie. I watch it for the gore.
There’s something phenomenally satisfying about watching (fictional) gruesome [bleep] from a safe distance; you can test your own limits while sitting on the couch. My husband suspects I’m a sociopath. Maybe I am, but hey, at least I’m a sociopath with an HBO subscription. And that makes me uniquely qualified to write a list of the Top 5 best gory deaths in “Game of Thrones.” Spoilers ahead (it is known).
5. The golden crown
Weirdly, there wasn’t a lot of visible grossness when Khal Drogo poured molten gold all over Viserys Targaryen, Lord of the Jagoffs. The end result is even kind of beautiful, in a “creepy installation at the Modern Wing” way. What really turns your stomach here is the sound design—the subtle ssssssssizzle as the gold burns his skin, and then the metallic “thunk” when his head hits the floor. I can’t even think of it without making the D: face.
4. Knife to the uterus
The Red Wedding had more than its share of blood and guts, but stabbing a pregnant woman in the belly over and over? That’s on a whole other level. What, they couldn’t have just slit poor Talisa’s throat and been done with it? The Robb marriage storyline was pretty weak sauce, but even she didn’t deserve to go like that.
3. Poor Ros
Westeros’ happiest hooker ends up hung like a piece of meat and shot with King Joffrey’s crossbow—several times over. Gee, guys, do you think maybe this show’s characters have a problem with women???
2. Rat bucket
The only reason—the ONLY reason—this isn’t at the top of the list is because most of it happens off-screen. Otherwise, nothing could beat the utter disgusting genius of death by rat bucket. Only someone truly sick could come up with torture device like this: Trap a rat in a bucket. Strap the bucket to your victim’s torso. Heat up the bottom of the bucket so the rat has nowhere to escape but … you know. By the end, even I was ready to tell the Lannisters all my secrets.
1. The head pop
I shan’t continue. If you’ve seen the show, you know what I mean. Pop. My editor made me watch it all over again to write this column, and I will never forgive her.
Megan Crepeau is a RedEye reporter. She likes to think that in Westeros she would be a beautiful, powerful Tyrell, but if we’re being honest she’d probably end up some kind of toothless peasant.
