Welcome to “Threesome.” Each week, we’ll take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.
QUESTION:
I have been on a few dates with this girl and am really enjoying it. We click and she is showing interest in more dates. (I’m 25, she is 22).
However my last relationship ended in April and was almost five years long so I am kind of new to dating all over again. Is it a deal breaker that it has been pretty soon after such a long relationship? When should I tell her of such a relationship?
— Question via Reddit
THREE ANSWERS:
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single, 34
Ultimately, whether or not your former relationship is a “deal breaker” will be almost entirely up to you. The issue that your new love interest is going to have—IF she has one at all—is skepticism over whether or not you are truly interested in being in a committed relationship immediately after you ended another, rather serious dynamic.
On the other hand, maybe she is just having fun as well and isn’t really considering you as “long-term” potential as of yet, so it may not even matter. Perhaps the very next person you meet after your last girlfriend IS the one you should be with now, or maybe it will fizzle.
I’d say don’t yet complicate this phase of the relationship with news of your former situation unless the topic arises organically. Otherwise have fun, and let things take their course. There is always Tinder if this thing doesn’t work out. Or Ashley Madison. Whatever you’re into.
—Fred | @fredonair
EXTRA: Dear Anna Pulley: Will asking for more communication from my guy kill our “casual” vibe?
Keri Wiginton
Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | Married, 33
I don’t understand why the length of a past relationship would be a deal breaker for a future relationship. Most people go branch to branch anyway—meaning you leave one relationship for another. In many cases, one or both parties are emotionally “over” the relationship well before it ends.
I don’t know who did the leaving in your situation, but the only problem is if you are comparing your new dates with your “deeply connected” old ones. If you keep things light and are just getting to know each other, then there’s no reason to bring up the past quite yet. But if your new girl wants to talk about it, go ahead. Being able to sustain an almost five-year relationship shows you don’t have a problem with commitment, which should be seen as a positive sign.
—Keri | @keriphoto
Michelle Lopez
Designer, web editor for The Mash | Married, 31
When I think of relationship deal breakers, I think of not loving tacos, not appreciating the brilliance of Larry David and people who are unapologetically rude. Long-term relationships definitely don’t come anywhere near my list. Learning about your previous relationship would show me that you’re capable of commitment, a welcome reassurance for many women.
I wouldn’t blurt it out during your next date. She may wonder why you would bring it up as a concern and also worry that you’re not really over your ex-girlfriend.
Both high school and college are four years long—aka the length of your last relationship—and most people leave those experiences ready to embark on their next, new adventure and leave the past behind. It’s time for you to do the same.
—Michelle | @michelleglopez
