It’s game day. You meet your pals at [insert sports maneuver, common Irish surname or pizza pun] Bar & Grill. You order the special, an Anti-Hero (every bro’s fave IPA), and pick up a sticky, beer-soaked plastic menu. Your friends, sucking on “the best” buffalo wings drowning in blue cheese dressing, tease you with a celery stick. After all, vegetarians only eat rabbit food. But at [yay sports!] Bar & Grill, even the house salad features meat as the star ingredient, leaving you exactly two options: $11 nachos—sans chili—or a $9 cheese quesadilla.
I know the struggle. But no more. This football season, I will no longer settle for overpriced mediocre carbs and cheese—this is a food town, and we shouldn’t have to. Give me greasy; give me salty; but please, foodie gods, do not dare cross me with coagulated cheese on soggy tortillas. Can’t a girl just get a decent veggie burger and watch some damn football? Oh, yes. Yes, she can. This, my meat-free friends, is my vegetarian vagabond journey to delicious, indulgent meatless food. Come along.
Spinach-mushroom quesadilla ($12) and goat cheese fondue ($7) at Wise Owl Drinkery & Cookhouse
324 S. Racine Ave. 312-374-8915
Wasn’t I just complaining about quesadillas? I know, I know. But slap some portobellos in there, and you’ve got my attention. The West Loop bar’s ‘dilla stuffing—baby spinach, portobellos, jalapeno and chihuahua cheese—is not scarce and was likely the fattest pocket of cheesy goodness I’ve encountered. Not only is it drizzled with lime crema, but this dish comes with a side of creamy guacamole made in-house. My friends, however, were more fond of the fondue, with warm and creamy goat cheese, fresh Italian parsley, sage, rosemary and oregano served with pretzel bread and baguette crostini crackers. Touchdown. Wise Owl has 14 TVs and a 150-inch projector screen, but sit at the bar for optimal viewing capabilities and witty banter with the friendly bar staff.
Veggie burger ($11) at Black Iron Tavern
401 N. Milwaukee Ave. 312-690-4000
I’d expect nothing less than perfection from Charlie Trotter protege Michael Taus (Taus Authentic), who’s behind this new River West elevated sports bar. While I love a good, sloppy bun-bulging plant-based patty, this is the veggie burger I dream of. The patty, made of soy protein, mushrooms and red peppers and clothed with the smokiest gouda, lettuce and vegan mayo, remains perfectly intact on the pillowy egg-glazed roll. With a side of hand-cut fries and sriracha mayo, the plate left me in a giddy food stupor that almost softened the strife of my team’s maddening fumbly ball-handling. Almost. I ordered a Penicillin ($10), a classic scotch cocktail with ginger liqueur, lemon juice and honey, for an extra dose of medicine. The bar takes up nearly the entire front room, and there are more than a dozen TVs throughout the place, so on game day, it’s football everywhere you look.
Buffalo wings ($11.35) at Yard House
1500 N. Clybourn Ave. 312-951-7317
I admit, sometimes I miss meaty bar food. If you can relate, an extensive vegetarian section with a soy-based chicken substitute, including wings and barbecue pizza, is on offer at the enormous Lincoln Park chain restaurant, which opened late last month. Warning: The super sports bar is likely the most suburban experience this city can offer—all that’s missing are mall cops. Go for the wings with sweet and tangy jerk sauce. I’d consider going back for the orange peel chicken, but forget the dry, flavorless mushroom mac ‘n’ cheese. The vibe of the place isn’t really my jam, but it goes without saying that the countless TVs, 100-plus draft line and all-encompassing menu are particularly well-suited for big groups interested in watching multiple games at once.
Rapini ($12) at Breakroom Brewery
2925 W. Montrose Ave. 773-564-9534
The Ravenswood brewery opened in May and is worth a trip for this veggie sandwich with seared oyster mushrooms, rapini greens, garlic, giardiniera and fresh mozzarella drizzled with saba (an apple balsamic-like syrup) between a mayo-coated tomato foccacia bun. Gimme that with a side of beer-soaked fries, five TVs and a big screen, and we’re in the football business.
The Munchy grilled cheese ($11.50) at Jerry’s
1938 W. Division St. 773-235-1006 and 5419 N. Clark St. 773-796-3777
Craft beer, fine whiskey, COSMIC SANDWICHES. You’ve got options at Jerry’s. Not only is there an entire vegetarian sandwich section, most of the grilled cheese sammies are meat-free and amazing. But I never go rogue at Jerry’s. I stick to this aptly titled stoner sandwich of American and cheddar cheese, crispy house potato chips, pickles and mayo on challah bread. Add pesto; you won’t regret it. The Wicker Park location also broadcasts games on the big screen behind the stage.
Chickpea burger ($12) at Rockit Bar & Grill
22 W. Hubbard St. 312-645-6000
This kale-chickpea patty from the River North burger joint that reconceptualized earlier this year is a vegetarian dream. Those legumes are topped with feta, sliced tomato, sprouts and spicy mayo and come with a side of fries. Rockit is a University of Michigan bar, but there’s no shortage of football on 17 TVs when the Wolverines aren’t playing.
Spent grain black bean burger (price varies) at Andersonville Brewing
5402 N. Clark St. 773-784-6969
I couldn’t leave Hamburger Mary’s sports bar and brewery, with arguably the most customizable burgers in town, off this list. The veggie burger is a plump patty of spent grains (leftover from the brewing process), black beans and spinach. The style of the burger—or the toppings—varies, from the Barbara-Q-Bacon to the Gouda Morning. We went with the Buffy (the Burger Slayer) ($11.90), with swiss cheese and lettuce, drizzled with a red wine reduction and garlic aioli on a toasted garlic bun. Just about any seat in the house is within eyeshot of one of the 11 TVs.
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