Escaping reality is just a few weeks away. The excitement is building to exponential heights. You can almost taste the $7 Tecates on your tongue already.
You’ve had a countdown on Facebook—publicly as a status update, like an absolute lunatic—every day for the past five months.
Becca Fieldman posted: “JUST 94 DAYS UNTIL ME & RICK ARE SIPPIN’ DRANKZ IN DA CARIBBEAN!”
Thanks for that, by the way. Also, you realize you’re 28 years old, right? Did you really put a “Z” at the end of dr… ya know what? Not the point. Moving on.
Yep! You and your boo are headed to Cancun this winter for a seven-day, six-night cruise leaving from the port city of Savannah.
It’s all figured out: Three-day road trip to Georgia, stopping at “adorbs” little spots along the way, before parking your Volkswagen Golf and getting on that floating, cigarette-infested Carnival-owned hunk of metal.
Vaycay is here, bitches!
But first?
A vacation hashtag—one you’ll use excessively on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for a week and a half without stopping for any reason because you honestly think people are enjoying this “content vomit” of yours—has gotta be determined. I mean, how else would you track all your super dope pics from the trip?
Certainly not just transferring them over to your computer via iCloud or Dropbox later. Nah! They must ALL be posted! Everyone is required to see how happy you are in life! It’s a rule! Because without posting 11 photos a day, you’re basically saying you’re irrelevant.
#BeccaAndRickDoCancun #OurBottlesBePoppinInDaCarribean #BeccaAndRickGoSouth #YesBeccaAndRickMexiCANcun
The realization is simple: No matter what hashtag this duo selects, it’s always going to be awful. And no one will care. Ever. And it clearly looks like they’re saying, “Look how cool my life is that I’m not sitting in a cubicle and you are.”
The problem with this mindset is that not only do we not care, we actually are starting to debate why we were ever friends with you in the first place. “Hiding” or “unfollowing” you is sounding like a pretty damn good solution right about now.
You’re vain, and it’s hard to watch.
And also? You’re really starting to miss the point of why hashtags were created. It’s a space to organize thoughts and imagery for a specific event or campaign. But when only you and your boyfriend are posting to it? It provides no value. You both already know where the photos live anyway!
ON YOUR PHONES.
All it really does is show that you wanted to look cool slapping a long-ass hashtag on your post.
And if that’s what you need to do to justify taking a trip to Cancun when pushing 30?
Hey, by all means. But just so you know, we’ll all be #unfollowing you in the meantime.
