I started seeing this guy who is totally rocking my world in every department. I really like him, but I have this gut feeling that it won’t work out in the long run because we are from such different backgrounds and the intellectual compatibility element is sorely lacking. Am I being overly critical? Snobby? I don’t care that he is not traditionally educated like I am, but I am worried that … I won’t be able to share a lot of who I am on that level. His tattoos, rough upbringing etc. are not big sellers for the family, but I love all of it. We are also in two very different financial situations. … This is a new relationship, so part of me thinks I am reading too much into things. The other part of me feels like I am being rational. Thoughts?
—Question via Reddit, edited for length
THREE ANSWERS
Morgan Olsen
RedEye Eat & Drink, Lifestyles editor | In a relationship | 28 | @morgancolsen
It sounds like you’re sabotaging your personal happiness. You really like him? He’s rocking your world? In every department? I don’t know him personally, but he sounds like a great guy. I think you have to ask yourself if you can get over his education (or lack thereof), tattoos, rough upbringing and finances. If the answer is no, you should cut him loose or keep things casual. But if he makes you happy and adds value to your life, [bleep] what everyone else thinks. Don’t let a good guy go just because you’re worried about how other people will perceive him. Ultimately, you’re the only one who needs to be impressed, but don’t sell someone short on surface-level stuff.
Isaac Paul
Host, devil’s advocate and resident know-it-all of “The Tequila Tales” | In a relationship | 36 | @thetequilatales
In three words: GO FOR IT!
This one for me is a no-brainer. But I can understand your “rational” concerns about intellectual compatibility. I have dated some very attractive airheads in the past, and I lost interest almost immediately. So in that regard, your feelings are warranted.
However, where this circumstance feels different is that it appears that what you are experiencing goes beyond mere attraction and is more about “chemistry,” which is much more difficult to find. Much of what you expressed were fears of what MIGHT happen down the line; but in your present state, you sound rather happy. And when it’s all said and done, isn’t that what it’s all about?
While I don’t condone going into relationships blindly, I do believe you should try to remain in the moment and allow things to occur organically. So take a deep breath, and enjoy the butterflies.
Courtney Jacquin
Writer and editor | In a relationship | 24 | @courtneyjacquin
You’re definitely not being snobby, but judging someone based on their tattoos and “rough upbringing” isn’t necessarily your best course of action. Dating someone from a different background, someone who’s a different type than what we typically go for, can be challenging in all of the best ways, and it can make you grow as a person. If you’re always dating someone who’s just like you, there’s not much fun in that. That being said, all of your needs—from the bedroom to intellectual stimulation—should be met in a good relationship. If you’re truly not being challenged on an intellectual level, he might not be the best match.
Thanks for reading “Threesome.” Each week, we take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.
