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Dress code: Is it disrespectful if your date doesn’t dress up?

I always dress well for dates, both to look attractive and to signal that I respect the other person enough to dress up. However, I feel offended when my date shows up wearing shabby/gym clothes, no makeup and looks like she obviously put no effort into her appearance. I find it downright insulting, especially when I’m there in my blazer, best pair of jeans and smart/clean shoes. I’ve heard similar about men showing up with dirty/worn shoes and graphic tees that look like they are worn at home. Whether the date is male or female, do you think this is acceptable?

—Question via Reddit, edited

Shelbie Lynn Bostedt

Single | 22 | @shelbielbostedt | Digital Content Coordinator for RedEye

Unless you explicitly addressed dressing up for a date or are going somewhere that requires a certain standard of dress, you have absolutely no right to be insulted by how your date dresses to meet you. If your date feels comfortable enough around you to not have to dress to the nines to impress you, that would be an even bigger compliment than if they showed up in a tuxedo or evening gown. If you equate dressing nicely with how much they like you, you should maybe do some re-evaluating of how you determine how well a date goes.

Jake Newton

In a relationship | 24 | @jnewt | RedEye designer

I’m going to level with you here: There’s nothing wrong with expecting someone to dress a certain way in certain situations, but there’s got to be some sort of notice on your end. What I’m saying is, don’t tell her that you plan on grabbing fast food and get pissed when she shows up in gym shorts and a T-shirt. You can’t really blame her for wanting to be comfy. God knows, I would feel foolish ironing my best slacks to order a Chalupa Supreme. If, on the other hand, you suggest going out for a classy date night and she agrees, I think it’s fair for you to expect a certain type of presentation. There has to be some sort of communication there. So, in short, is that acceptable? Yes, but don’t be insulted if she doesn’t want to break out the kitten heels to go to town on a Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

Morgan Olsen

In a relationship | 28 | @morgancolsen | RedEye Eat & Drink, Lifestyles editor

Woof, that’s a tough one. It sounds like you genuinely enjoy getting dressed up for date night (me too!). Like you, I’d be a bit thrown off if my boyfriend showed up to dinner at a nice restaurant wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. But if we were simply catching a movie and grabbing drinks at a dive bar down the street, I wouldn’t bat an eye. Whether or not it’s “acceptable” all depends on what you’re doing and how much you’ve communicated. You can’t blame your date for underdressing if you didn’t fill her in on the date details, right? Everyone has different beauty and fashion standards, but it sounds like you need to be a bit more understanding.

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