So recently my boyfriend has brought up having dinner with his parents, which I happily agreed to. But since this is my first relationship and I come from an entirely different culture and country (he’s Caucasian Australian, whereas I’m of Asian background), I am completely clueless and I could really use some of your advice.
I have met them once before – but it was more of like a ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’ thing. Whereas this time I’ll actually be sitting there, talking and getting to know them. What are some things that I can do/be aware of, etc., etc.?
—Question via Reddit, edited for length
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single | 35 | @fredonair
Don’t let this meeting get in your head too much. Shower beforehand. Chew with your mouth closed. Don’t drink in excess. You like this guy and his parents really like him (let us assume), so you have something in common, and they probably want to impress you as much as you do them. Be prepared to deliver a Cliffs Notes-style presentation of yourself. Expect to answer a ton of questions about yourself. I would advise doing some research through your boyfriend on his family prior to the meeting so you can point out your similar interests. Oh, and don’t disclose if you met on Tinder. Even old people know what that is all about. Lie and say you made each other’s acquaintance in line at Starbucks or volunteering at an animal rescue for hamsters with three legs. Anything but Tinder.
Keri Wiginton
Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | Married | 34 |@keriphoto
So basically you’re asking how to interact with white people. A Muslim friend of mine gave the following response: “In my experience, white people are more concerned with ‘by the book’ manners than my people. My white friends’ parents often have questions about my culture, which I am willing to answer.”
Really all you need to do is be polite, open and interested in what they have to say. Ask your boyfriend to give you some talking points about things they might find interesting. You can leave questions to jobs, hobbies and travel if you’re worried about broaching a sensitive topic. If alcohol is around and you’re nervous, keep it to two drinks.
Michelle Lopez
Designer, web editor for The Mash | Married | 32 | @michelleglopez
Relax and read the room. You said yourself, this is a great opportunity to get to know them. Ask your boyfriend for some basic information. You might discover you share a love of college basketball with his dad. Find an easy way to connect with them and help the flow of conversation. I would just err on the side of caution and not start a heated debate about religion, or politics—save your opinion on Donald Trump for another time.
Stay true to who you are. If things work out and you see more of them in the future, you’d hate to have to fake or alter your personality for their benefit. It always feels like a personal victory when you impress someone, but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen this time. Oh, and check that nothing is stuck in your teeth.
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