Welcome to RedEye’s coverage of “The Bachelor,” arguably the most misogynistic show on television! The format is pretty simple: We each drafted nine of the 28 competing women (the twins count as one person—what? Don’t look at us like that). Everyone gets one point for every woman who gets through each week.
Poor Olivia. No, hear us out, guys. So misunderstood. So ahead of her time. She wasn’t bitchy—she was just so smart and deep that the other women couldn’t understand the words coming out of her mouth. She would be sitting in her room, minding her own business and casually reading Shakespeare, and the other women perceived that as a slight to them. But is that her fault? No! Deep, intellectual things are her jam.
But Ben couldn’t handle her brilliance, her gorgeousness, her penchant for calling herself Mrs. Higgins. She seems older than 23 not because she lied to the producers about her age (come on, girl), but because she’s an old soul who just knows what she wants. Farewell, Olivia. You and Lace can duke it out on “Bachelor in Paradise.”
RedEye Sports Editor Chris Sosa is subbing in for Josh Terry, who needed a week off as he continues to question all the decisions he made in life to get him to a point where he recaps “The Bachelor.”
Team One – 20 points
Becca, Jessica, Olivia, Izzy, Samantha, Lace, Jami, Amber, Mandi
So much of this hot mess confuses me.
I have no idea what Ben and Caila were talking about when they were trying to share their feelings. Blah, blah “vulnerable.” Yada, yada “being ready.” Something, something “it’s almost attractive that she’s confusing.” Huh?
I’m not sure why swimming with pigs is considered fun. Are there no dogs in the Bahamas? And why did they leave Olivia, the two-on-one date “loser,” stranded on a tiny island? How is she supposed to get home? Can she call an Uber boat?
What I do know is this show is worse off without Olivia, the designated Lex Luthor of the season. For the same reason football fans who hate the Patriots enjoy having them around so they can ultimately see them fail, Olivia sowed desperately needed chaos. While most of the girls bitch about her being “fake,” she was making her opponents look bitter and broken. The ploy clearly worked on Leah, who tried to throw Lauren B. under the bus and was shown the door herself.
“Come at me, bro!” Olivia told the cameras early in the show. Respect for not giving a @#$% about what anyone thought. Ronda Rousey would be proud. She’d arm-bar you into oblivion if you’re actually like this when the cameras are off, but she’d be proud.
Sorry, Josh, you’re down to Becca. I feel like I let the team down. Also, can we maybe get some bats in the house to freak out everyone, please?
—Chris Sosa
Team Two – 22 points
Jennifer, Shushanna, Amanda, Jackie, Tiara, Lauren H., Laura, Jubilee, Breanne
And then there was one. The dramatics weren’t lacking in last night’s episode of “The Bachelor,” and two of my ladies—Lauren H. and Jennifer—were sent packing during separate rose ceremonies. You really screwed me with this one, ABC.
I’m just happy Lauren H. got to experience Pig Beach before heading home to a herd of kindergarten students in Ann Arbor, Mich. Seriously. Pig Beach has been sitting at the top of my travel bucket list for years, and I squealed along in jealousy as the women fed hot dogs to the hogs. What a time to be alive, you guys.
But back to the show. The rest of the episode revolved around Olivia, Lauren B. and Leah. Though I was happy to see my girl Amanda get the group date rose, I was giddy to watch mean girls Olivia and Leah sent packing. If I had to lose two good women to rid the house of some toxic energy, that’s OK with me.
—Morgan Olsen
Team Three – 33 points
Caila, LB, JoJo, Leah, Lauren B., Lauren R., Rachel, Twins, Maegan
Can we just acknowledge that it’s the upset of a century that a twin made it to the final six? What insanity is this? Emily and her lesser sister were supposed to go home on the first night after some twin hijinks and ménage a trois jokes, and now she’s not only a contender, but the true vanquisher of Olivia. Girl isn’t going to win, but she’s definitely the Cinderella story of this season.
And Team Three finally has some drama! Leah—who once seemed so normal that she never got camera time (or a one-on-one date)—cracked suddenly and went full Gretchen Wieners on Lauren B. (we should totally just stab Caesar!). Good move, targeting the sweetest, most likeable girl on the show.
And Caila, my homegirl and future Bachelorette, is officially the chess master of this show. You tell the Bachelor you’re afraid of hurting him and you’re not sure if it’s right, and suddenly YOU’RE the one who’s hard to get on a show of 25 women competing for one dude. You’re brilliant.
—Lauren Chval
