Welcome to RedEye’s coverage of “The Bachelor,” arguably the most misogynistic show on television! The format is pretty simple: We each drafted seven or eight of the 30 competing women. Everyone gets one point for every woman who gets through each week.
It’s easy to look at a 24-year-old with ratty blond extensions sticking needles in a voodoo doll and label her the villain of “The Bachelor.” But is Corinne a mastermind or just an immature narcissist? We had similar questions about the meanest girl in middle school, but we’re pretty sure she just turned out to be a narcissist. Like 70 percent sure.
Team One – 18 points
Danielle M., Lauren, Danielle L., Rachel, Corinne, Dominique, Ida Marie
Obviously, the only thing anybody cared about this week was the two-on-one, but my girls that weren’t Corinne also existed in the Nick universe. Rachel had a cute one-on-one, but for a high-powered attorney, girl sure does revel the cliches. She doesn’t recognize herself, she’s the happiest she’s been and, obviously, she could really see herself falling in love with Nick. Yeah, you and every other girl here. Whatever, she got a rose. Another week to wax poetic.
There was a spooky group date where Danielle M. looked as cute as ever and earned the group date rose. Danielle L. was also there but didn’t do much. There can only be one top Danielle at a time.
And, finally, Corinne and all of her emotional terrorism and manipulation went to a group date in a swamp (no, actually). Because Nick, too, has the emotional intelligence of a toddler, he decided to believe everything Corinne divulged about poor Taylor, hook, line and sinker. Corinne and her very mature boobs walked away with the rose, but not before dropping the best line of the season: “Make America Corinne again.” Please, God, no.
—Shelbie Lynn Bostedt
Team Two – 17 points
Kristina, Angela, Astrid, Susannah, Taylor, Christen, Alexis
Ugh, who could have guessed that the dolphin girl would end up being one of my most viable picks? Nick, have you SEEN Astrid? What gives, dude? My team, once so promising, is essentially done, with only fringe players Kristina and Alexis left. But let’s turn our attention to …
Taylor. Oh dear. We need to have a chat. For someone who can’t shut up about self-awareness, you don’t seem to have any. “Don’t engage,” the voodoo priestess told you, and what did you immediately do? Engage. You don’t get guys to see that you’re smarter and prettier and better by telling them so or tearing other women (no matter how obnoxious they may be) down. Alas, it’s a lesson you haven’t learned at 23. Maybe try again in “Paradise.”
—Lauren Chval
Team Three – 16 points
Whitney, Sarah, Briana, Lacey, Hailey, Michelle, Jaimi, Josephine
The show’s producers might feel differently, but I am more than ready to get past this Corinne/Taylor drama. Once again, everyone—even Nick—played second fiddle to the epic feud that has been built up around these two. The only thing of note that happened to anyone on my team is that Sarah was sent home during the rose ceremony, which continues to take place at the beginning of the two-hour stretch of these episodes. Presumably to get it out of the way so we can focus on Corinne and Taylor duking it out. Ugh.
I forget sometimes that Josephine, Jaimi and Whitney are still out there, veritable wallflowers as Nick goes on dates with and makes out with everyone else. It continues to be a surprise that they keep nabbing roses, so I just have to assume that they are getting a little bit of face time with Nick IRL, but their encounters are ending up on the cutting room floor. Maybe it’s time for Josephine to break out into song once more.
—Elise De Los Santos
Team Four – 15 points
Liz, Raven, Vanessa, Brittany, Jasmine G., Elizabeth, Jasmine B., Olivia
Sweet, sweet Raven. It’s OK that you told Nick you fell in love with him only to hear absolutely nothing back. You owned it even if it was a little too soon.
Otherwise it was an underwhelming week for my team. All three were picked for the group date in the haunted house. Jasmine started out as a naysayer, but by the end of the date believed in ghosts. But I can’t for the love of God understand why she’s still around. I keep saying that yet she keeps getting a rose so maybe I’m missing something. I hardly remember if Vanessa had any screen time.
Sigh. Maybe next week will be more memorable with less ghost talk.
—Sara Amato
