Welcome to “Threesome.” Each week, we’ll take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com.
Have any of you maintained a serious relationship where you clearly felt smarter than your partner? Was it even an issue for you?
-Question via Reddit
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single, 34
A wise woman once said, “I take two steps forward, [I take] two steps back, we come together, ‘cuz opposites attract.” That woman was Paula Abdul, and I’m not sure she is in a successful relationship, so perhaps we keep her out of this.
Where I am going with this is that oftentimes people enter into a partnership with traits, life experiences and interests that, while different from one another, help create balance in their dynamic.
But I also believe that people need to be with someone they consider their “equal” and they MUST have respect for this person. If you believe your romantic partner is dumb or dim or on a lesser intellectual level than you, then either A) you’re arrogant and perhaps aren’t capable of seeing others as being “at your level,” or B) what is more likely, the kind of intelligence you are striving for isn’t present in this particular person and one way or another it won’t work.
If you are thinking about it enough to ask others for input, it is an issue for you and something that may reflect on the way you treat the relationship and the person with whom you are in this relationship.
-Fred | @fredonair
EXTRA: What to do about that nagging temptation to ‘steal’ someone’s boyfriend
Keri Wiginton
Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | Married, 33
If someone made me think, “Wow, this person is really dumb,” then no, I don’t think a long-term relationship would be in the stars. I have definitely dated people who were less educated than me but were still ambitious and had plenty to add to our mutual topics of interest. I think “smart” is a relative term and compatibility is more what matters.
Do you enjoy yourselves when you’re together? Does the conversation flow? If he or she brings other interests to the table then he or she could expose you to experiences you might not have otherwise.
Have I been attracted to people who I felt were not as “smart” as me? Hells, yeah. But there’s no way I could have a long-term relationship with someone I felt that way about. I have both male and female friends who have gone down the “hot but not so smart” path, but it never lasts. It’s a definite red flag if you are consistently finding it hard to carry on a discussion about topics that you find engaging. However, I don’t think someone’s academic level of intelligence should get in the way of a possible relationship.
-Keri | @keriphoto
Jordan Schultz
RedEye Web editor | In a relationship, 27
Relationships wouldn’t be worth it if you didn’t learn from your partner. I’ve been in only two very serious relationships and certainly have felt smarter in some ways. But I’ve never felt wholly smarter. Can’t you learn something from everyone?
In my first relationship, I definitely was a bit more book smart, but she was very creative and a phenomenal dancer. Without her, I don’t think my writing would be nearly as strong, and I certainly never would have learned to salsa.
In my current relationship, we are pretty tit for tat — an equal match. I’m a few years older than him and further along in my career. But I don’t ever think twice about it. Experience and age don’t equate to smarts. He’s done a pretty good job of teaching me to have more fun and let loose.
I’m a firm believer that everyone has an important lesson to teach. You just have to gauge whether or not you want to learn it.
-Jordan | @monroeschultz
