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How do I get out of a second date?

Best way to turn down a second date? Went on a date with a guy and we had a nice time, but I can already tell he’s not the one for me. To be honest, I’m really not sure what he sees in me, we’re very different. He just asked me on a second date. He’s nice, and I’d like to not hurt his feelings.

—Question via Reddit

THREE ANSWERS

Keri Wiginton

Married | 35 | Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | @keriphoto

I’m guessing he thinks you’re attractive and can hold a conversation. Plus, a lot of people don’t see differences as a turn-off when getting to know someone. As for letting him down easy, there is no universal agreed-upon “best way.” A “Thanks, but I’m not looking to take this further” text is perfectly acceptable at this point. You could also say your schedule is busy for the next few months and see if he takes the hint. I’ve had men and women both tell me they prefer a pity lie. Ghosting should only be an option if they turn out to be a creeper who won’t stop blowing up your phone.

Jake Newton

In a relationship | 24 | RedEye designer | @jnewt

Um. “No thanks” has worked in the past. Look, you’re making this a little difficult on yourself. If you don’t want to go on a second date with this guy, then just tell him. The end. I don’t think you have another option here. Being anxious about it is another story. If you’re a people-pleaser, the automatic response to a second date is “Sounds good!”, but if you really think this isn’t going to work out, then you need to take care of it now before it turns into something bigger. Remember, “No thanks” is completely acceptable! I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Shelbie Bostedt

Single | 22 | Digital Content Coordinator for RedEye | @shelbielbostedt

Whatever you do, don’t ghost. It may seem like the easiest route out if you’ve only been on one date, but trying to avoid hurting his feelings by disappearing completely won’t make it any easier on him than you directly turning him down. Chances are he won’t be nearly as upset as you think he will be. One date definitely isn’t enough for him to have put all of his eggs in your basket, so don’t think too hard about it. A simple “I had a great time with you, but I don’t think we’re compatible” is all you need.

Thanks for reading “Threesome.” Each week, we take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.