Welcome to “Threesome.” Each week, we’ll take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.
QUESTION:
[I’ve] been talking to this Tinder girl for a couple of days. We “Netflix and chilled,” but I’m not looking for a relationship or to date her. I’ve been hinting at my un-interestedness over text, but she can’t pick up any of the hints. She won’t stop texting me, and I feel bad because I don’t want to lead her on. I just want to stop talking to her. HELP?
— “Scuba Steve” via Reddit
THREE ANSWERS:
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single, 34
Scuba, I can sense you are gasping for air here, and unfortunately there may be only one way for you to become buoyant: You’ll have to be direct. I know that may come off as rude, and you seem like a sweet guy, but sometimes ignoring someone can be misconstrued as playing hard to get. If you’re willing to endure additional text messages and extend the process, you can perform a “fade away” and stop responding altogether, but either way you’ll wind up being the asshole to this woman who feels for you in a way you do not for her.
So why not take the most honest approach and just say what you feel: You don’t care to buddy breathe with her any longer. Soon she’ll be back on Tinder and will find someone else’s regulator to clear, and you can enjoy a night of Netflix with yourself in peace.
—Fred | @fredonair
Keri Wiginton
Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | Married, 33
The answer to your problem is to quit responding. Completely. A dude friend of mine recently had this problem with a girl he casually hooked up with. He kept complaining that she was always texting him. I asked him if he was texting her back every time. His answer: “Yeah, I don’t want to be mean.”
As long as you are writing back, she’ll take that as a sign of interest. (Men react the same way when they’re on the opposite end.) If a guy isn’t responding to my text, or texting me on his own, then I take that as a sign of disinterest and move on. I would never text someone who hasn’t responded to two of my texts. NEVER. But if she doesn’t take the hint after a few unanswered messages, you can tell her you had fun but aren’t looking for this to go anywhere.
—Keri | @keriphoto
EXTRA:
How do women really feel about gingers?
Morgan Olsen
RedEye Eat & Drink, Lifestyles editor | In a relationship, 27
Here’s the thing about dropping “hints” over text: Everyone reads into them differently. For instance, if you tell her you’re busy tonight and can’t hang, she might think you’re actually busy—not avoiding her. Shocking, right? My guess is she’s getting the hints. But I also believe she’s continuing to feel out the situation because she thinks you might still be interested.
There are two approaches you can take to cut things off. 1) You stop texting her altogether. 2) You text her and spell it out (no ifs, ands, buts or maybes): You’re not interested in dating or a relationship, and for that reason, you don’t think it’s a good idea to continue talking. Rip off the Band-Aid, my friend.
Oh, and one more thing. No matter what you do, and no matter how cold it gets this winter, don’t text her for a quick “Netflix and chill” session. Trust me on that one.
—Morgan | @morgancolsen
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