Dear Anna,
I am a 35-year-old straight woman. I’ve been with my husband for three years, though this question isn’t exactly about him. I’m wondering about the orgasmic potential of penis-in-vagina sex. The thing is, I can very occasionally orgasm from that kind of sex, but there never seems to be a rhyme or reason to it. I’d love to be able to have more consistent orgasms with my husband this way. Are there other things, positions or exercises we can try?
—Occasional Orgasmer
Dear OO,
Many women share your concern, one of whom was princess Marie Bonaparte, the great-grandniece of Napoleon. Marie couldn’t orgasm during intercourse and was convinced this was due to her clitoris being 3 centimeters away from her vagina. (It also probably didn’t help that her husband was a latent homosexual, who described sex in this way: “I hate it as much as you do. But we must do it if we want children.”
Swoon, amirite?
Not satisfied with that, Bonaparte took it upon herself to test her theory. She measured the genitals of 243 women and concluded that women with a shorter span between their clitoris and vagina (less than an inch) were more likely to orgasm during P-in-V sex. To subvert anatomy, Bonaparte ended up having TWO surgeries to move her clit closer to her vag. To no avail.
But don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything that drastic to take your P-in-V to YIPPEE. Here’s the rub. Literally.
In missionary-style sex, experiment with angles and pressure. The goal is for as much direct contact with the clit as possible, which your husband can achieve by scooching a few inches forward so you can grind on his pelvic bone. You might also find that a shallower penetration, with the penis pointing down-ish, allows you to get a good friction going. Once you find something that feels good, make sure to keep a consistent rhythm.
In cowgirl (don’t reverse it, unless you want to use your own hand as an aid), have your husband sit up or lean against a wall (e.g. not on his back). Again, this position provides tons of direct body contact and clit stimulation. Even better if you have an armless chair to sex on. (Avoid ones that swivel or have wheels. Your [bleep]y Ikea desk chair will most certainly break or swivel you into a wall.) If you hold onto the back of the chair, you’ll have more leverage and can control the speed and depth of penetration. Cowgirl hat optional, but encouraged.
Doggy-style affords the least direct-clit action, but if you modify it slightly so that you’re lying face-down with your partner lying on top of you, it can work wonders. This position can create a heightened sensation because your legs are closer together, creating a tighter fit and a G-spot-friendly angle. Plus, you can also grind against the bed, which is still fun, even when you’ve finished junior high!
I’d also think back to those times you did orgasm from intercourse. What were the circumstances? Who were you with? What did you do? Were you at home? On vacation? The more detailed you can be, the more intel it’ll provide as to how to replicate the experience. And, of course, think about what reliably gets you there in other circumstances. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel here. Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself to come a certain way. The more in your head you are, the harder it is to relax into the sensations of the body.
Good luck, OO!
Anna Pulley is a RedEye contributor. Got a question of your own? Email redeyedating@gmail.com. Or let her send you overly personal emails here.
