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I met a guy online last week, and we really hit it off. We have a date planned for tonight, and all day I have been dreading it. I think it’s probably because it’s too soon after my ex, and I wasn’t expecting to find someone so quickly. Anyway, I’d really like to cancel the date and commit to spending some time by myself over the next few months. My problem is that I really don’t want to hurt this guy. So, I need someone to give me the words to tell him that won’t be too harsh.

—Question via Reddit

THREE ANSWERS

Shelbie Bostedt

Digital Content Coordinator for RedEye | Single | 22 | @shelbielbostedt

If you haven’t even met him yet, you can be open and honest without feeling like you’re being too harsh. You shouldn’t feel pressure to have to hide how you’re feeling, and it’ll be better to be up-front and cancel now than to go and get any more involved when your heart isn’t really in it. This isn’t always easier said than done, but take it from me, stringing it along to avoid a potentially awkward or hurtful situation NOW will just make it worse in the long run. TL;DR tell it straight, and if he gets mad, then you dodged a bullet anyway.

Courtney Jacquin

Writer and editor
Writer and editor

Writer and editor | In a relationship | 24 | @courtneyjacquin

Our moms and kindergarten teachers were right: Honesty is the best policy. The fact that you’re even going to tell him something in the first place is better than your other options: ghosting or being 100 percent uninterested during the date. Just be up-front with him and be honest—tell him he seems like a great dude and you would love to get to know him, but just not right now. You’re fresh out of a relationship, and you know you’re not ready yet. Say you understand if he won’t be around when you’re ready, but you hope that he is. See, now that wasn’t too hard, was it?

Isaac Paul

Host, devil’s advocate and resident know-it-all of “The Tequila Tales”

Host, devil’s advocate and resident know-it-all of “The Tequila Tales” | In a relationship | 36 | @thetequilatales

As cliché as it sounds, honesty is going to be the best policy. We are in a day and age when being “catfished” is so common that it has its own television show. If you beat around the bush, or be anything less than open and direct, you will run the risk of appearing full of it, which may incline him to believe the truth is far more sinister. While it may not be easy to swallow, simply stating that you believe he is a great guy but you aren’t ready is the most considerate option. It may also incline him to not only understand, but also possibly take things more slowly and allow a friendship to develop. Don’t be overly concerned with using the right words, but instead focus on the energy and spirit behind what you are sharing. If he really is a good guy, he’ll understand.

Thanks for reading “Threesome.” Each week, we take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.