I grew up a fat kid (like 350 pounds by the time I was 13). Being that large during my formative years left all kinds of emotional and psychological scars that I still bear to this day. Feelings of worthlessness, atrocious self-image issues, disgust, etc. Jump to present day, and here I am 29 years old and hitting the gym real hard. I’m currently down to 225 pounds on a 6’2″ frame. Imagine a slightly slimmer Seth Rogen. Lately I’ve been noticing that women are looking at me more than they ever have before, and I’m not used to it. In my mind, I’m still a fat guy who stands no chance. I don’t know what signs women give off when they see a man they’re interested in. What should I be looking for? How do I approach them without making a fool of myself?
—Question from Reddit.
THREE ANSWERS:
Keri Wiginton
Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | Married, 33
If you view yourself as the guy who stands no chance, then you won’t stand a chance. Women (and men) like confidence. If you feel good about yourself, make sure your potential date can sense that. Most of us have emotional baggage hanging around from our childhood. Personally, I think my way-too-long awkward stage helped shape me into the funny, witty person I am today. (See that confidence!)
As far as signals go, those are pretty easy to spot. If a woman makes eye contact with you and smiles, that’s a major sign she wants you to start a conversation. Try to read her body language. Is she leaning in to talk? Did she touch your arm? All of these show she wants to keep the conversation going.
—Keri | @keriphoto
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single, 35
Congratulations on seeing the fruits of your hard work. Losing that kind of weight is quite an accomplishment and will reap benefits for your health and self-esteem. I am sure it is easier said than done, but you have to try not to dwell on who you used to be and focus more on the present and who you are becoming (in body and mind).
Women are seeing who you are now, and don’t know about your past, so do your best to proceed with confidence. Take baby steps: Look for friendly signals and go from there. And don’t worry about making a fool of yourself. Anyone who would make you feel foolish for being kind isn’t someone you want to know, anyway.
—Fred | @fredonair
Isaac Paul
Host, devil’s advocate and resident know-it-all of “The Tequila Tales” | In a relationship, 36
So let me begin by first and foremost giving you heartfelt congratulations on your decision to lose weight and lead a healthier lifestyle. Aside from you appearing more fit, I am certain your focus and dedication is projecting an energy that is making you more alluring to women.
I have some good AND bad news for you, however. Mostly ALL men make a fool of themselves when approaching women. No matter how well we play it out in our minds, it never quite comes out looking and sounding like George Clooney. So my best advice is to approach and say “hello.” A smile and good conversation is always the best kickoff. Different women will show different signals, and some have a mean poker face. But the best signal is someone who is willing and desires to spend time with you. So muster up the courage and ask her out!
—Isaac | @thetequilatales
Thanks for reading “Threesome.” Each week, we take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.
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