Chicago has been deemed the third sexiest city in the U.S. by Playboy magazine.
For every list that doesn’t give us the top spot, we collectively roll our eyes and scratch our heads about how and why we got snubbed, especially in this instance when we know Chicago has quite the sexy swagger.
The Playboy ranking, which put Chicago behind two archrivals New York and Los Angeles, appears to be based on a very unscientific study.
Playboy conducted two polls and considered other metrics such as “hot locals, cool nightlife, a great setting and an undercurrent of desire,” according to a news release. The website specifically said Playboy added in a nightlife factor from NerdWallet based on number of bars, restaurants and other venues, and combined it with a walkability index for its list of cities.
Playboy had this to say about the Windy City:
This muscular, cold-weather, sports-crazy city may seem a surprising pick, but there’s more to Chicago than great architecture, major museums and da Bears. Its walkable neighborhoods—including upscale Lincoln Park, up-and-coming River North and bar-dense Wicker Park and Bucktown—amp up the sexy quotient, attracting young professionals who seek same in restaurants, dives, blues joints, shops and galleries. At one time Chicago was a major stop on the burlesque circuit, and you can still take in feathers-and-fans acts at nearly a dozen dopamine-release venues, including the Kiss Kiss -Cabaret and Naked Girls Reading (what it sounds like).
OK, well Playboy got it right by saying Chicagoans can check out Naked Girls Reading and burlesque shows (and by the way, you can even sign up for burlesque classes in the city).
For starters, we’d hardly call River North “up-and-coming.” C’mon, Playboy, once upon a time, you were based here. And we’re not surprised we made the cut, just shocked we’re not ranked higher. Chalk it up to a complex we have about being the second city, or worse in this case.
Sure, Chicago has sex toy shops and strip clubs, but what about how people like to hang out in our skivvies? Not only is there an annual Naked Bike Ride in June and the No Pants Subway Ride in January, there’s also a Cupid Undie Run in February.
Does our public porn watching not score us points? We direct you to Twisted Spoke’s Smut & Eggs on Saturday nights and Evil Olive’s Monday Porn and Chicken dance party. Chicago even hosted the Hump! porn film festival last April.
And let’s not forget that Chicago is home to the TaTa Top, a flesh colored bikini top with nipples on it, a conversation starter about nudity while its sales raise money for nonprofits and other organizations.
While we’re peeved about third place, at least Chicago isn’t last. That recognition goes to Detroit, picked as the “unsexiest city in America.”
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