Welcome to “Threesome.” Each week, we’ll take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.
QUESTION:
A male friend said to me while we were hanging out together, having a beer and talking like we do, that “men and women can never be ‘just friends. It’s just not possible.’ ” I was under the impression that we were friends. Have I been a complete moron, then? Is there any other reason he might have said this?
— Question via
Reddit
THREE ANSWERS:
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single, 34
Men and women can be friends … it’s just that most men would sleep with their female friends as quickly as you can say “lube.” While he probably has the best intentions, he does incorporate a physical component into his interpersonal attraction to you, even if subconsciously. We as men have sex on the forefront of our horny little minds at all times—except when we are eating or watching sports, but probably then, too.
It isn’t that we don’t place a high value on who you are. We do. It’s just that most men would have sex with a woman we are attracted to physically without ANY emotional connection, so the fact that we like you will only generate in our not-so-complex minds more reasons to want to see you naked.
Women, I have found, seek an emotional connection to accompany their physical attraction for the ideal sexual equation. But because women can compartmentalize and put emotion ahead of physicality, it is absolutely possible for a woman to value a person for whom she has, and will never have, any sexual attraction.
So have no fear. He is your “friend,” but be realistic. If you say “go,” he will hump your leg like a wild dog in heat.
—Fred | @fredonair
Akeem Lawanson
Online producer and Snapchat aficionado at RedEye | In a relationship, straight, 30
Men and women can be “just friends.” I think what your “friend” is getting at is that it’s hard for a man to be just friends with a girl he finds attractive. As a guy, I would definitely have a hard time remaining nothing more than friends with a woman I am attracted to. The reason for this is that we’d like to think we have a chance with said girl we find attractive, so we continue to hang out with her in the hopes it might lead to something more.
I have a few male friends who have made their feelings known to female friends they find attractive, and they remain friends even though the woman has expressed no romantic attraction. Their angle is that they will remain “just friends” and just hang around until something happens. I think that’s a ridiculous notion; if a woman you’re attracted to wants nothing more than a friendship, either cut your losses and move on, or accept the fact and keep the feelings platonic. But you never know, it could work!
-Akeem | @geekheavy
Morgan Olsen
RedEye Eat & Drink, Lifestyles editor | In a relationship, 27
First, the short answer: Yes, men and women can be just friends. I’m sure you have a guy friend or two you’d never, ever dream of sleeping with. More often than not, though, one of you will develop feelings. They could be the type of feelings you get at 3 a.m. after a night at the Hangge-Uppe or the kind that involve butterflies when he texts. Or maybe it’s not you who develops those feelings.
Think about how you choose your friends. They’re down to see that awful-looking horror movie with you, they don’t judge you for ordering a bottle instead of a glass and they’re the first to arrive at your house party. Hey, if you ask me, those are also qualities I look for in a partner. Lines blur, stuff happens.
I’m not saying you should delete this guy’s number and stop talking to him. I’m not even saying you should have your guard up. But if he tries to make a move and you’re set on being just friends, make your intentions clear up front. Trust me, it will save you a huge headache—and a friendship—in the end.
—Morgan | @morgancolsen
