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    Beyonce, Chris Martin of Coldplay and Bruno Mars perform onstage during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Chris Martin of Coldplay performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Beyonce performs during the halftime show of Super Bowl 50 on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    DJ Mark Ronson performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Beyonce, Chris Martin of Coldplay and Bruno Mars perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Beyonce, Coldplay's Chris Martin and Bruno Mars perform during the halftime show of Super Bowl 50 on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Chris Martin, left, and Guy Berryman of Coldplay perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Coldplay singer Chris Martin performs during the halftime show of Super Bowl 50 on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Bruno Mars performs onstage during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Lady Gaga sings the national anthem at Super Bowl 50 at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Chris Martin of Coldplay performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Mark Ronson performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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    Chris Martin of Coldplay performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl 50 halftime show at Levi's Stadium on Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.

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Look, I get it: Bruno Mars can dance, and his voice isn’t half-bad either. If you listen absent-mindedly, I can see how his music could be fun.

But now that he’s performed at not one but two Super Bowl halftime shows—one of several markers of artists with global exposure and success—it’s worth nailing down exactly why I think BM is inexcusable on a number of levels and why his acclaim has gone way too far.

1. He’s a total rip-off artist

Many performers take inspiration from others. But Bruno just steals, and many have recognized this. “Locked Out of Heaven” is so much like The Police that Sting and co. should have sued, and “Uptown Funk,” Bruno’s massive hit on Mark Ronson’s album, is so uncomfortably similar to Morris Day and the Time’s “Jungle Love.” There’s using your influences to create your own style, and there’s just plagiarizing. This is not OK.

2. His lyrics are insincere and superficial

Full disclosure: I’ve never listened to a full Bruno Mars album because I can’t bring myself to do it. Mostly because so many of his singles try to touch on love and come off as half-hearted. If you want to marry someone, you don’t say you think you want to marry them. Either you do, or you don’t. This makes me nauseous: “It’s a beautiful night/We’re looking for something dumb to do/Hey baby/I think I wanna marry you.” “Treasure” focuses solely on a woman’s physical appearance and his own needs, with the line “Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be smiling/A girl like you should never look so blue” the equivalent of dudes pulling the, “Hey, come on, baby, give me a smile” line as if just ’cause he’s there women should forget about whatever’s going on with them. And cliche garbage like “Just the Way You Are” (which is like Billy Joel rewritten by a 12-year-old) is pure pandering. People eat that crap up.

3. Worse than insincere, his lyrics are creepy

I am forever stunned that people can listen to “Locked Out of Heaven” and not want to scream. First, what do you mean locked out of heaven “for too long”? What is the acceptable amount of time to be locked out? Also, phrasing your sexual worship this way makes it sound aggressive, like a demand—”You make me feel like I’ve been locked out of heaven for too long.” Stop blaming this woman for your sexual frustration. The entire song is about your pleasure, not hers, and you come off like someone both begging and negotiating. It’s terrible.

And that has been my rant about how Bruno Mars is the worst, and this nonsense needs to stop. Thank you.

@mattpais, mpais@redeyechicago.com

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