Welcome to “Threesome.” Each week, we’ll take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to e-mail it to redeye@redeyechicago.com.
My recent girlfriend of two months has a really close, straight male friend. They hang out all the time, and we don’t see each other that much because of work. I recently found out that she sleeps in the same bed as him. Is it wrong of me to ask that she doesn’t do it anymore?
-Question via Reddit
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single, straight, 34
Being in a committed relationship is a special thing, with very specific and sacred rights and privileges … within that bond. Some of the more privileged activities include: shopping for bedroom furniture, being required to tell the other if they have a dangling booger and sleeping in the same bed.
There is really no reason why a member of the opposite sex should be that intimately close with your significant other, unless she or he is in the office of a medical professional and a legal procedure is being conducted. Otherwise, YES, that is questionable, you may and should ask that she knock it off, and you would be within your rights to request she adopt a puppy or buy a stuffed animal to fill the void left by you not being in bed with her.
And my viewpoint does not come from a place of conservatism, but rather, common sense. For a straight couple, only two things will happen in bed: sleep or sex … and maybe eating. And if she is eating, that’s gross. You should just dump her anyway.
-Fred | @fredonair
EXTRA: Quick and dirty sex advice (summer edition) from Anna Pulley
Keri Wiginton
Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | Married, straight, 33
I can’t think of many people (and by that, I mean anyone) who would be OK with their new partner sleeping in the same bed with someone else. Speaking from experience, 99 percent of women’s straight male friends want to sleep with them. So, even if nothing is happening during these slumber parties, you can pretty much assume this guy is interested in being more than just friends.
Snuggling releases oxytocin. Exposure to this cuddle hormone produces feelings of attachment and security – which is evolution’s way of getting us to pair bond. Your girlfriend might just feel comfortable with this guy and would rather spoon on her way to sleep instead of snoozing alone. But if it’s bothering you, definitely explain your point of view.
As for your ability to ask her to stop, I’d have to know if there has been a DTR conversation. Does she KNOW she’s your girlfriend? Is she hiding the fact that she’s having these adult sleepovers? If she has agreed to be exclusive, then yes, you can tell her it makes you uncomfortable for her to share that kind of intimacy with someone else. If she’s hiding these adult sleepovers from you, then she may be keeping this guy in her back pocket until she knows things are stable between you two.
-Keri | @keriphoto
Akeem Lawanson
Online producer and Snapchat aficionado at RedEye | In a relationship, straight, 29
Absolutely not. As her significant other, you have every right to ask, even demand that she stop sleeping in bed with this fella. Before that, however, ask her what type of arrangement she’s got going with this guy.
If her explanation isn’t up to snuff and you still feel uncomfortable, tell her to end this ‘bunk-in-the-trunk’ situation she’s got going with this guy. If she’s the little spoon, you really have something to worry about.
You also can flip the script and invite one of your gal pals over to your place for a “slumber party.” Pretty sure that sparrow won’t fly with your girlfriend, so then she’ll know how you feel.
-Akeem | @geekheavy
